Random musings of a child...

Fic for hpslashnotsmut exchange

2007-05-07T23:08:38Z

The master list was posted today and I am in a huge rush to post this to show it off proud to everyone. I'm a total sap and I really loved this one. Hopefully it's not too terrible.

Title: Who Is Your Family?
Author: Rain ( iheartbowie )
Rating: PG-13 (mentions of off screen dirtiness)
Word Count: ~7,130
Pairings: Remus/Severus
Warnings: (not dirty warnings, but brief things you may wish to know about) Usage of an OMC, ridiculous amounts of fluff?
Summary: After the war, werewolves finally have a place to go. One werewolf contemplates the meaning of “family.” Severus cannot seem to understand.
Author's Note: I realize that this may not be exactly what was expected, but hopefully it will still be very much so enjoyed. ^_^ Thanks muchly to Miss B who helped clean this up a great deal for me.

Writing an essay on "who is your family" was a creative topic for students. The students at this school were no exception. Channing Lupin stared down at his paper and tried to think of how best to write everything out. Miss Granger asked for all of her students to think of the people that they loved best and write about them, no matter where they were.

Channing chewed on the end of his quill absently, not paying attention to the smudge of ink that was forming across his lips. His russet brown hair was hanging in his face, so he quickly collected it behind him and tied it with a black leather tie. He let out a sigh and propped his chin in his hands.

Channing was a student at Daniel De Vries School for Extraordinary Children, founded in 1998, under Headmaster Remus Lupin. The school was created in order to assist with the numerous refuges and orphans among wizards and Muggles, and specifically those that had been cursed to change once a month into a howling wolf.

The first thing Channing thought to do was to make a list of all of the people who were his family. It seemed rather long once he finished it. There were his friends from school, his teachers, and of course, his dad.

His friends were certainly fun. They got to play together and they did their school work together. Channing loved to tell stories about them. He had a whole journal of stories about his friends that he was very proud of, but Channing was not sure if they were people that he loved best.

Channing did like his teachers a lot. Miss Granger was nice, and she taught them all sorts of cool stuff. On the weekends, Mr. Wood would come and show them all how to fly on brooms. Sometimes Harry would come to visit his dad and they would tell stories. McGonagall sometimes visited and always looked so proud of the school. She even let Channing pet her when she turned into a kitty. He liked all of them a great deal, but they still weren't the people that he loved best.

He looked at the list that he had, crossing off his friends and teachers from the list. That left only three more names. The first was very easy, his mum. Channing did not remember a lot about her. She died when he was still a baby.

What he did remember was that she used to sing to him, just a small song that sounded nice and made him smile.

Channing knew that he had been close to three or four when his mother died, nearly four years before. His memory of her was sometimes a bit fuzzy. He could never really say if she had long hair or short hair, or even if it was the same color as his own.

She seemed smaller than the other people that had been at the camp where he was born. Channing knew that he fit perfectly in her lap, however and that was all that mattered. She would run her fingers through his hair and sing softly to him.

“Sweetest little fellow everybody knows. Don't know what to call him, but he's mighty like a rose. Looking for his Mummy with eyes so pretty brown. Making you think that heaven is coming close to you…”

That was something that he knew he could write about. The song had always brought a smile to his face. The sound of his mother’s voice lulled him whenever he was feeling worried or upset. It wasn’t very hard to write about that and he started to fill up the page with a few sentences.

Next on the list were his dad and Sev. Channing's dad was not his real dad, but it did not matter to him in the least.

Channing had been born in the werewolf camp controlled by Greyback. He did not know who his real father was, but he remembered when Remus came to the camp. Channing had been playing by the hut that he lived in, when Remus had stumbled over to it, obviously hurt and tired. At five years old, it was difficult for Channing to understand what was going on. So he did what his mum had always done and gave Remus a kiss "all-bettah."

Remus stayed at the camp with Channing off and on during the next year. Remus had given Channing a name since the only one the boy had known was "Baby," which did not sit particularly well with Remus. With his surroundings as they were, Channing was thrilled to have someone that would play with him. Channing had another friend, but the boy had stopped coming to see him after Remus came to the camp.

Channing was content with his new companion. The other people at the camp did not seem to like Remus however. They were often sharp and mean to Remus. One day there was a loud yelling match and Remus got into a fight with a few of the men. Channing tried to hide, but other men there grabbed Channing and pulled him out towards a clearing of trees.

Channing screamed and cried, trying to get away from the men that laughed at him. He was tossed at the foot of a tree and then tied to it.

“Get BACK!” yelled the camp leader, giving the other men a frighteningly stern look.

Channing shrunk away from the yell and let out a short squeak of fear. The men turned to the horizon for a moment and everything seemed to change in an instant. Channing’s eyes widened as the men in front of him suddenly changed, arching and crying out in pain.

Fur spurted from their skin and ragged bits of clothing went flying off their bodies as they settled into the form of wolves. The little boy’s heart pounded in his chest and he screamed on and on. The sound of his screams mixed with the guttural sounds of wolf howls.

The wolves began to fight among themselves, a few of them vanishing into the trees. The wolf who had been the camp leader stood in front of him and viciously fought off several of the wolves that seemed interested in attacking Channing. Channing shook as things began to blur around him. There was fur and claws, but his fear clouded everything. The fighting went on for what seemed like forever, until there were only two wolves left in the clearing. The camp leader was the larger of the two and they circled around one another for several long moments before attacking.

Channing’s vision blurred as it filled with tears. “No! No! No!” he chanted frantically.

His memory faltered at this point as he saw a bright splash of red and he suddenly felt a tearing pain shooting through his body. It flared in him and then suddenly there was nothing.

The next thing that Channing remembered was a soft bed and strange lady hovering over him. Channing suddenly screamed and tried to get away. It was too frightening. There were wolves and they tied him to a tree and he did not know what had happened to Remus. He was so scared.

“…Channing? Channing it’s all right. I promise I’m here…”

That voice was familiar and Channing slowly calmed enough to register that the lady was gone and it was Remus, his friend, holding him tightly. Suddenly the world had suddenly righted itself and Channing clung to Remus and cried.

Remus had continued to hold him tightly, rubbing comforting circles into his back. He whispered to him softly in his ear, “It’s all right. I’m here. You’ll always be safe. I will always protect you.”

“Re-us!” Channing wept, rubbing his face into Remus’s chest. His head felt funny and his whole body hurt. “Re-us…I hurt!”

“I know,” Remus said, sounding very sad. “I know. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t help you. You’ll never have to go back there. I promise you. You’ll never see those people again.”

“Re-us…” Channing whimpered.

“You were hurt very badly,” Remus explained to him carefully. “You’ll be okay. Poppy and I will take care of you and make the hurt go away.”

Channing nodded, but he was too tired and young to understand the implications of being hurt badly. It was not until he was a bit older that he finally understood that he had been given the same curse that Remus had. Channing was a werewolf. He would grow up with the knowledge that he was not a bad person because of what someone else had done to him. With Remus as his father he would never have to live to regret what had been done to him.

All Channing knew at the time was that those words had filled him with the calm needed to finish mending his bruised and battered body. This time Remus had kissed the "boo-boo" better and that was all it took. Channing became convinced that his dad (or Daddy if he was feeling particularly affectionate) hung the moon.

Channing had a lot more to write about his dad than he did his mother. And he covered more than just a few sentences on the subject.

He tapped his quill lightly against his chin, the smudge of ink growing even more. The next part of the essay was going to be much harder to write; Sev was a very difficult person for him to explain. He liked Sev for a lot of different reasons. Sev was very smart and he took care of helping all of the werewolves at the school and the village by supplying them with their special potion. Sev might not have been very good about making it taste good, but he was still very nice for doing all of that work.

However, Channing knew without a doubt that he loved Sev and for a very easy reason. Sev loved Remus.

When Channing was taken from the camp it was a very sad time for a lot of people. There was fighting and someone was trying to hurt Remus and Remus's friends. Channing learned about the war as he got older, but he learned more from observing everyone that was around him. He learned a great deal about this “Snape” person that no one seemed to like.

At the Burrow, where Channing stayed, one lady came to visit to speak with Mrs. Weasley. This new lady looked very sad, more so than any other grown-up had looked. Channing knew almost instantly that he liked this lady. He came up beside her and looked up at her. The little boy was about six years old and he reached up to take the lady's hands in both of his little ones. He pressed a little kiss to her hand and said, "All bettah."

There were tears in her eyes as she looked down at Channing, but she smiled warmly at him. "You must be Channing. I've heard a lot about you."

"Really?" Channing asked looking rather surprised that someone would talk about him.

"Yes, really," the lady said with a smile. He did not have proper introductions at the time, but he learned later that this was McGonagall and she ran the school that Remus had gone to when he was young.

Channing giggled. He curled his arms around McGonagall's wrist. "Are you sad that the grown-ups say mean things?" he asked.

McGonagall nodded slowly. "He would not like to know that these people talk about him in this manner."

"The Snape person?" Channing asked.

McGonagall nodded, reaching out to pat Channing's arms lightly. "He did what he could do to help our cause. It was not his fault," she said softly.

Channing rested his cheek against McGonagall's arm and watched the grown-ups laugh and talk more. "I think I'll like him, too," Channing told her softly.

It was not until after Remus had opened the school and that Channing had the opportunity to meet "the Snape person." Snape had come to the school and stormed through the halls as if he was in charge. Snape was rather scary looking the first time Channing saw him. Channing had been leaving his dad’s rooms in order to go to his classes for the day, when he spotted Snape. He was just like everyone had said. He wore only black robes and his hair did not look very clean. He stopped a few steps away from Channing, staring at him with the grumpiest look that Channing had ever seen, before storming into the Lupins’ quarters.

It was not uncommon by this point for Channing to seek out the people who looked unhappier than other people. Channing turned around to follow him, but froze the moment that he heard his dad yelling. Dad never yelled.

"HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO ME? WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST TOLD ME THE TRUTH? I ALMOST LET HER CONVINCE ME TO MARRY HER!"

There was more after that, but Channing could not hear it in the hallway. He slowly looked around the doorframe, hoping to see what was going on in the room. His dad was against the wall and Snape was kissing him. Channing's eyes widened in surprise and his mouth opened like a fish.

"Just shut up. Shut up," Sev said softly after a moment of kissing. "I love you. Just shut up."

Channing thought that it was completely obvious why he thought that Sev was part of his family. Channing would never think differently about Sev, not after hearing him say those magic words to his dad. Sev was always grumpy and mean to everyone, but Dad made him smile. Channing secretly thought that Sev was rather pretty when he smiled, but he did not want to tell anyone. Sev would probably have gotten very grumpy with him if he found out.

Just as Channing finished writing about all of the reasons why he loved Sev, there was a knock to his door. Dad opened the door and popped his head in. "It's late. You've still got lessons tomorrow," he said with a smile.

"Just finished, Dad," Channing said proudly. He put all of his homework away and ran for the bathroom. Remus was waiting for him when he returned in a fresh set of pajamas. Remus pulled down the covers and tucked Channing in.

"Good night, pup," he said fondly, leaning to kiss Channing's forehead.

"Good night, Dad."

*

The Full Moon would not rise until well after dinner the following day. More than a few of the students were given the day off from classes because of it. Remus often spent the day trying to relax and not stress over the mountain of work waiting for him when he finished. Sometimes, he thought that if he had known that it would be so much work to run his own school that he would not have taken it on at all. Other times he admitted that he would have taken it on if he had known that there would have been even more work.

Snape only taught one or two classes a day, focusing more on potion-making for the entire school population’s monthly problem. This allowed for Remus to be comfortably in bed with Severus straddling his hips to give him a deeply appreciated back massage that afternoon. He smiled faintly at the attention that he was receiving. They had made love more than once since the day had begun and Remus was feeling contently sated at the moment.

"I'll need to leave first thing next week, to work out the details for bringing the new student from the States. Minerva stated that there was no immediate rush, but I think everyone involved would much rather have this handled quickly," Remus said, breaking the silence. He had recently received a letter about another possible student that he intended to visit.

"It's understandable, but I do not see why you did not immediately collect her if you feel that way," Snape commented.

"This will be the girl's first Full Moon. And if what Minerva was saying was correct, her parents were practically begging not to be left around her. They refused to admit that she was even their child. It would serve them right to have to listen to her all night long," Remus said with a faint smirk.

"Ahh…I always knew that you had a rather malicious streak in you," Snape said with a faint chuckle.

Remus let out a faint hiss as Snape ran over a particularly sore spot. Snape turned his attention more directly to that spot, trying to ease the tension from the sore muscles. Remus had not always been so bitter. Remus felt that after all this time, great surprises did little to affect him and he could find amusement in things that most would consider dark. He had years of practice trying to move on and he had begun to find that people receiving what they deserved was hilarious.

Originally, Remus had been infuriated by Severus's refusal to inform him about the plans set up by Dumbledore. However, Remus understood that there were spells at work to prevent Severus from being able to "accidentally" reveal the truth to anyone who could affect the outcome. Remus was working closely with the werewolves at the time and therefore it could have been dangerous if he were brought in too close to the circle of Death Eaters.

"Will you and Channing be here this evening or did you want to join the others with running?" Snape asked, breaking Remus from his thoughts.

"I think I need a good run, if you don't mind," Remus said, glancing up at Severus.

"That will be fine," Snape said. "I am certain that the work in my own work room will keep me occupied through most of the evening."

Remus chuckled lightly. "Because Merlin forbid you sleep while we're romping through the forest."

"If there were fewer bruised and bleeding werewolves at the end of the Full Moon it would prove to be much easier to sleep through the night," Snape pointed out.

"Young people are always getting into scraps. It's impossible to expect that they would be perfect," Remus said.

"It would not be wise of us to become too hopeful," Snape drawled. "We would not want all of our hopes crushed."

Remus laughed a bit more at Snape's sarcasm. "That would be terrible," he said, still grinning.

Snape shifted off of Remus's hips and put away the lotion that he had been massaging into Remus's joints and muscles. "You should be a bit more limber this evening, but I would not recommend that you do anything too strenuous. You are hardly as young as you used to be."

"Oh, how you love to remind me," Remus groaned as he sat up. "One of these days you're going to have the same problem, so I wouldn't sound too smug if I were you." Remus stretched his arms over his head and let out one final hiss as he popped his back.

"I am certain that you will have more than a little fun mocking my inability to move properly as I fall into old age," Snape commented.

"Most likely," Remus said offering him a cheeky smile.

"And you have the benefit of only having this problem for a few days during the month," Snape pointed out. "Of course, when you do, you have the added benefit of my assistance with ensuring that you do not have as much pain."

Remus reached out to take one of Snape's hands in his own. He brought it up to his cheek, nuzzling the back of it lightly. "Yes. Something that I will always be grateful for," he said.

"See that you are," Snape said with a hint of a smirk.

A charm rang lightly from the living room and Remus pulled himself from the bed. "That would be Channing. Classes should be over by now," he said. He slipped on his pajama bottoms and a warm robe before heading into the room to await his son's arrival.

Channing burst into the room excitedly, calling for Remus repeatedly. Remus took a seat on the sofa just in time for Channing to jump up beside him. "Oh Dad! Today was fun! I'm glad that I was not sick and could go to school," he said, giving him a tight hug around the neck.

Remus held back the agreement that he had for that thought but smiled happily. "What did you do today?"

"Miss Granger asked us to write about our family and we read them in class. She said I did a very good job and that I should show it to you and Sev," Channing said. He quickly thrust the parchment with his essay at Remus.

Remus was a bit curious to know what exactly Channing would have written about his own family. It seemed that Severus was a bit curious as well, as he came up behind the sofa and looked over Remus's shoulder.

My Mum is my first family. I don't really remember her much. She died when I was really little. She was really nice though and loved me a whole lot. She would sing to me and tell me stories. My Mum had a pretty voice that I liked to listen to. I didn't know what she was saying a lot, but it was still really nice. She would hold me tight and give me kisses. She did not smile a lot and I know that she was very sad. My Mum went to where the angels live and know that she's happy there.

Remus is my Dad. He's not my real dad, but he's still the best. I used to call him Re-Da when I was younger and he lived with me in the camp. When I was little I got bit and made into a werewolf like Dad. He took me away from the camp and brought me to the Burrow where I got to make friends. It was nice there because I didn't like living at the camp. Dad couldn't be with me all the time, but I know that he was doing important stuff. We learned all about it in school.

My Dad is the most bravest guy in the world. He protects me from the bad dreams and helps me do my homework. My Dad is cool because he made a special school for werewolf kids so that no one has to feel bad because they are different. My Dad does a lot of work to make the school good for everyone.

The last person in my family is Sev. Sev tried to tell me that I should call him something different but I was too little to remember and it was hard to say. So I just call him Sev and he doesn't seem to mind too much anymore. Sev is different from my Dad because he's doesn't tell stories right and he can be grumpy sometimes. I don't mind that he can't do all of that because he's still my family.

The reason why Sev is my family is because he loves my Dad. Sev takes care of Dad when the moon is full and we have to change. Sev makes sure that everyone at the school has their magic potion so that we won't get sick or hurt. Sev will take care of me if Dad asks because he has to go somewhere important. Sev does all sorts of good things just because he loves my Dad. Since Sev is so good, I love him, too.

Remus's eyes widened as he read through the essay. It was far from perfect and the grammar was not very good in a few places, but it was obvious that Channing had put down all of his thoughts and feelings. Remus easily became a pile of parental mush as Channing talked about him and all of the good things that he had done. His eyes misted over when he reached the part about Severus. Severus reached over his shoulder and took the parchment from Remus when it appeared that he had finished.

"Oh Channing, that was wonderful. I'm so proud of you," Remus said, pulling the young boy in for a tight hug.

Channing happily cuddled with Remus. "I'm proud of you, too, Dad," he said. "I love you a whole lot."

Remus saw that Snape moved out from behind the sofa and took a seat across from them. He seemed to be reading the entire essay over again. His face looked a bit pale and his eyes were wider than Remus could have recalled seeing them before.

"I think Sev would appreciate it if you gave him a hug," Remus whispered into Channing's ear with a small smile. "I think you surprised him."

Channing quickly bobbed his head in agreement and scrambled off the sofa. He stopped in front of Severus, waiting for him to finally look up from the essay. Channing's smile was big as he quickly hugged him tightly around the neck.

"I love you, too, Sev," Channing said before finally pulling back.

Snape nodded. "Of…of course," he sputtered.

Channing laughed. "You're supposed to say it back, like you do with Dad!"

"Oh…" Snape was taken aback and looked over at Remus. Remus took pity on Snape for the moment.

"It's all right, Channing. I think he liked what you wrote," Remus said.

Channing let out a brief cheer of excitement, bouncing in place briefly. "Can I go see my friends before we have to change, Dad?" he asked. Childish attention spans lasted only so long before they were already on the next subject.

"Of course. Be back here before dinner," Remus said.

"Sure thing, Dad," Channing said before rushing out of the room.

Remus stood up and moved beside Snape. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"Yes. Why would I not be?" Snape asked, standing up suddenly. He headed back into the bedroom without looking back at Remus.

Remus chuckled lightly and shook his head. Severus would need some time to understand what had just happened it seemed. Remus was still feeling rather good after all of the pampering that day and he decided that he would start working on the letter to Minerva that he had not been able to get to before. When Severus was ready to talk about Channing's essay, he would be waiting.

*

By the time everyone settled in for dinner, Severus was still not ready to discuss the topic. Remus had gone through a small stack of personal letters while Snape had holed himself up in his room, deep in thought. Snape had a great deal of difficulty dealing with positive emotions directed at him at times and perhaps his shock over the essay was impeding his ability to understand. Regardless of what the actual reason was, Remus was beginning to get tired of waiting for him to work it all out on his own.

Unfortunately for the impatient werewolf, it was not possible to discuss the subject with Snape until much later. When dinner was completed the werewolf children needed to be ushered off to where they felt most comfortable completing their change. Some of the children would remain locked in their rooms, preferring the privacy to a crowd of people. Others would join the wolves in the village, where they would have a great deal of room to romp and many other wolves to play with.

Once everyone else was settled, Remus and Channing barely had time to wish Severus a good night before they needed to leave as well. Channing gave Severus a brief hug before running down the hall towards the grounds. While Severus was once again shell-shocked, Remus sneaked in a final kiss.

"Don't agonize over this all evening," Remus said. "He loves you, which is a good thing."

Snape rolled his eyes and turned back down the hall to his workroom. There was still a long evening ahead of him and he wanted to make sure that he finished more than one project before everyone changed back. He wisely did not allow himself to think on the subject until he was comfortably working behind a smoking cauldron. The scents and motions of brewing easily cleared away the last of the tension that had balled up inside of him.

Snape did not have any reason to doubt Channing's words. The boy was unfailingly honest and was more loyal than any Hufflepuff that Snape had ever met. The part he was still failing to completely comprehend was the reason for Channing's affection. How could the boy simply say that Severus's affection for Remus was reason enough for the boy to offer similar affection?

Things were very simple when you were a child. He knew that when he was a child, Severus simply loved his mother because that was what she was. As he grew older he loved her for more complex reasons. She would hold his hand in hers when he was sick, staying at his side for hours. His mother was a sad kind of beautiful, unsatisfied with her place and life. She could create magic in her hands by cooking, sewing, and knitting. Every night she would kiss his forehead and send him off to his room, even when Snape was too old and no longer "wanted" such affection.

Love for a parent was truly the easiest form of love. It was also conversely the easiest form of hate, as it had been with his father. Children are spiteful and mean and they can hold terrible grudges for years. They are also blindly loyal and convinced of the contents of their own heart. Perhaps that was all it was. Channing was blinded by the words shared between Remus and Severus to truly understand his own feelings.

If that was the case, if Channing was simply repeating the notion supplied by his father, then what exactly would the boy's true feelings be on the matter? Severus wondered briefly.

It did not appear to Severus, at least, that Channing had any type of dislike for him. The boy had always been excitable and asked many questions. They were sometimes childish questions, but every once and a while the boy had surprised Severus with intelligent questions. The boy seemed to watch people a great deal and soaked up everything around him like a sponge.

No, it was not possible for Channing to dislike anyone, it seemed. The boy even smiled at the children who had been rude or disrespectful to him. It was almost fascinating to see that Channing continued to flow through life in a manner that was filled with anything but deep scorn and distrust. Channing was a child living in a werewolf camp for his youngest years. He was bit by the same man that cursed Remus over thirty years before. It seemed almost impossible for the boy to be as happy and loving as he was.

Severus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was nearly finished with the calming draught that he was working on. His stocks of the potion for the school were already high with the Full Moon, but Severus chose to use this time to finish the replenishing of their stock.

He found it difficult to remain set on the notion that Channing could not possibly have affection for him. His arguments contradicted his beliefs. Children should not be allowed to affect adult lives in this manner. Especially when they were not the adult in question's child, Severus thought with some mild irritation.

Remus was of the belief that it should be simple. The boy claimed to love Snape, and that was simply accepted and approved of. Snape could not claim to understand Remus's logic on many subjects and this was certainly among them.

*

The following weeks were a whirlwind of activity, it seemed. Remus had to go to America in order to collect the new student and there was always work to be completed for the school. Snape did not envy him his work. He preferred having the limited responsibilities even if it left him in charge of Channing while Remus was busy with running the school.

Remus was finally given some respite after he returned from a brief trip to Hogwarts to speak with McGonagall. The three of them sat in the living room of their quarters. Seated comfortably in Remus's lap, Channing was read aloud to his latest story about his friends. Snape was working at the desk, going through a few letters that he had to write. Despite have less responsibility at this school, he continued to receive requests for assistance on different projects and asked questions about Potions research.

"Sev?" Channing asked, as he got up to collect the tray of biscuits that sat on the coffee table. "You asked me to remind you that the timer was going to go off."

Snape glanced at the clock and nodded. "Of course, thank you," he said. Within their quarters he would occasionally complete some brewing. He had a potion that he had been experimenting with that he decided to work on while they enjoyed the peaceful afternoon together. It was certainly more comfortable to remain in their quarters than be alone in his workroom.

Snape stood and slipped into the small side room where he had set up his cauldron. He did not bother to close the door behind him, knowing that he would return to the living room in a moment. The smoking cauldron was waiting expectantly and the alarm that he set up chimed just as he came into the room.

"Is Sev…grumpy all the time?" Channing asked after a few moments of silence.

"Sometimes he is," Remus responded. "It's part of his charm."

It was silent for a moment before Channing spoke again. "You know…Sev is kind of like my dad, too."

Snape stopped mid-stir, catching himself after just a moment and resuming his work.

"He does all sorts of cool stuff like I said in my essay," Channing explained. "I really like Sev, but sometimes I don't know how much he likes me. I wouldn't have to call him 'dad' or anything. It would just be kinda nice to know that he did like me."

Remus responded, but Snape stopped listening. He thought on what Channing had just said. Snape had reasoned out earlier that Channing had not been making up a story for Remus's benefit. Channing obviously did care about Snape, and his last comments only confirmed it.

It was almost embarrassing to realize that a small child looked up to him in that manner. He had never been the sort to inspire any sort of positive feeling from anyone. Remus had always been the exception, but he had long since given up on attempting to explain that.

"Must there always be a reason for you?" Remus had snapped. They had been seated in the drawing room at Grimmauld Place at the time. "I just said that I love you, and all you want to do is rationalize it!"

Snape had not known what to say, and gaping like a fish had been rather embarrassing. Remus simply took the opportunity offered to him, straddled Snape's waist and proceeded to kiss him until he gave up on the idea of thought.

"If I could explain it, then that would be one thing, but I can't," Remus said gently after a few moments. He ran a hand lightly through Snape's inky hair. "I just do."

Snape found that to be incredible. He had a long list, categorized by subject, detailing all of the reasons why he knew that his heart belonged to Remus and Remus alone. There were new reasons that he discovered daily and he was certain that he would continue to find more reasons the longer they lived. He had always needed things to be explained and given detailed descriptions. It was often why he was so successful with his research. His one-track mind insisted that it had to have the answer or it would not be satisfied.

Whatever the exact answer was for Channing, it appeared that Snape would never truly see it. Emotions were too difficult for him to accept as they were abstract and mutable. However, at this point he realized that the true problem lay in his own actions.

And he felt guilty about it.

As much as he was loath to admit to something of that nature, he actually felt bad for causing the boy to question him in such a manner. Admittedly, he had no reason to dislike the boy, save the usual. Channing was, of course, under the age of proper comprehension of most worthwhile subjects.

Now, that was certainly unfortunate for Snape, but that did not imply that Channing would remain that way for his entire life. There were ways to pass on enthusiasm. Young people were usually susceptible to their parents' judgment on many things. It would be possible to pass on his thoughts about worthwhile subjects to the boy and as he grew older they would be able to discuss these subjects.

There was a risk that the boy would never successfully manage to comprehend the subject. If that were the case, it would be a waste of hours spent trying to enlighten the boy. Snape did not know what in the world they would be able to discuss if the boy did not understand.

Snape shook his head. Good grief, he's just a child. I've dealt with everything from dark creatures wanting to eat me to staring the Dark Lord in the face and lying. I can handle finding a way to associate with a boy. Channing is the least threatening thing that I've ever come across in my life.

With a new resolve, Snape finished his work and left the cauldron to finish its simmering. He returned to the living room and to his letter writing.

*

That evening, Remus was suddenly called to the village in order to work out a dispute that appeared to be growing. That left Channing and Snape once again alone in their quarters. The grandfather clock in the living room chimed ten o'clock and Snape realized that he had lost track of the time while he had been reading.

It was peaceful in the room. Snape was seated at the end of the sofa with a book. Channing at some point settled at the opposite end of the sofa, curled up in a manner that had to be uncomfortable. Snape mused briefly that he was not usually comfortable being alone in a room with someone like this. It was not as difficult with Channing as he had imagined that it would be.

"It is late," Snape said, interrupting their silence. "You need to be able to wake for classes tomorrow morning."

Channing uncurled and closed his book. "Okay, Sev," he said. He hopped off the sofa a moment later and headed into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Snape stood up after a moment and put his book aside. He collected a glass of water from the pitcher left by the house elves for them. A simple charm cooled the water to a more acceptable temperature than room temperature. Channing headed into his room in a fresh pair of pajamas and rubbed at his eyes.

Their rooms were otherwise silent and Snape decided to follow Channing into the room as well. Usually he instructed the boy to go to sleep and that was all. Remus was the one to tuck Channing into bed and ensure that he was told good night.

"I brought you a glass of water, should you need it in the night," Snape said, leaving the water on the nightstand beside Channing's bed.

"Oh…" Channing said, with a little surprise. He gave the older man a bright smile. "Thank you, Sev."

Snape nodded. "Yes…well…"

"Would you tell Dad 'good night' for me?" Channing asked.

"Certainly."

"Thanks," Channing said, burrowing into the blankets.

Snape stood over the bed for several moments. He knew that he needed to say something, but he could not find the right words to suit the moment. Channing peeked up at him when he did not move from the spot beside the bed.

"Is…something wrong, Sev?" Channing asked.

"No. Nothing is wrong," Snape said shaking his head. "I just wanted to let you know that…you are my family, too."

Channing sat up quickly. "Really? You really, really mean that?"

Snape nodded. "Yes. I would not say something if I did not mean it," he said shaking his head.

Channing quickly flung his arms around Snape's waist hugging him tightly. "I'm glad. I love you, Sev."

Snape awkwardly reached out to pat Channing's head. "Yes…of course…"

Channing smiled up at Snape happily. "Okay. Good night, Sev. Tell Dad that I love him," he said, before plopping himself back down on the bed.

Snape shook his head and turned from the room. That had not been as terrible as he had expected it to be. In fact, now that it was over, he felt somewhat lighter in spirit. He closed the door behind him and made to head into the living room once again. He barely made it two steps into the room before he was pushed roughly against the wall and kissed within an inch of his life.

When the stars finally vanished from his vision, Snape looked down to see Remus giving him a smile to match the one that Channing had just given to him.

"You're such a sop, Professor Snape," Remus commented cheekily.

"Don't be ridiculous," Snape insisted rolling his eyes.

"I knew that you would come around," Remus said, pressing up against him. He grinned and nuzzled at the skin just under Snape's ear. "Fatherhood is rather attractive on you."

"Is this a thinly veiled attempt to make me stop scowling at you for your soppy behavior?" Snape asked.

"Perhaps…is it working?" Remus gave a brief twist of his hips, grinding against Snape.

There was nothing more to be said after that for quite some time. Snape dragged Remus to the bedroom and they were otherwise occupied into the wee hours of the evening.

Remus draped himself comfortably across Snape in his sleep, holding him lightly in the sated aftermath. Snape looked down at him briefly and ran a hand through Remus's silver and gold hair. He had a new problem to work out and he began a new list in his head.

Reasons for Loving Channing

1. He said he loved me first.

Woot! I'm feeling accomplished now!

2007-04-15T20:17:12Z

Okay I've finally got somethign to share with everyone...the day of the deadline -.-;;;; Regardless...go me for finally having something to post. Hopefully I won't come back in a couple days and say wait here's the newest version.

Title: When You Weren't Looking (1/?)
Author: Rain mynameissirius
Rating: R/NC-17
Pairings: Sirius/Snape, Snape/Lupin (unrequited)
Part Word Count: 14,334
Warnings: Excessive inaccurate usage of constellations. XD
Author's Notes: For 12am_nosh's Snackfest! 83. Student/teacher AU. Sirius is teaching at Hogwarts, Snape is taking the class.
Sirius is 23 at the opening of the story. He's been teaching since he was 21. The year at story opening is 1983. There is no Peter. Sorry Peter lovers, but he's just too much of a pain and I didn't have any interest in adding drama by leaving him in the story. There's more than enough without him.

While You Weren't Looking: Part 1

Ahh fic to share!

2007-04-06T01:00:11Z

Now that I can post this like a crazed mad woman. Hehe...I had gotten such a good reaction for this one that it really surprised me. I honestly had a hard time taking myself seriously when I started writing this and then all of a suddenly it fell out and the ending was of course very intersting. Hopefully this will be enjoyed by all. ^_^

Title: Late Night Fantasies
Author: iheartbowie
HP Springsmut Recipient: enderxenocide
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: James/Remus
Summary: When it’s too hard to fall asleep, there’s always a way to tire yourself out. It’s just hard to keep it secret from everyone else.
Warnings: frottage, wanking, first time
Word Count: @2,500
Author's Notes: This was originally written for enderxenocide at hp_springsmut. Much thanks to my betas who kicked ass.

It was currently "way too bloody early" o’clock in the morning and Remus Lupin was tossing and turning for the 874th time. (He’d been keeping count in the hopes that it would help him fall asleep instead of counting sheep.) His mind continued to run at a maddening pace and he could not seem to find a way to relax, though. There was too much work for him to be doing for this to be a good idea. The following day he still had hours of notes to re-read, not to mention the workload of a nearly finished seventh year on top of that.

Remus flopped onto his back with a sigh. He had tried nearly everything, even going so far as to ask for a cup of warm milk from the house-elf that cleaned the common room overnight. It had settled pleasantly in his stomach, but he was still awake. The young werewolf let out a small groan of frustration. It wasn’t fair. He could hear the snores from his dorm mates on all sides. Why was it that they were sleeping peacefully and he was stuck tossing and turning? He was the only responsible one out of the four of them.

Wait! There was one thing that he had not tried yet. It seemed so completely obvious that Remus actually smacked himself in the forehead. He sat up quickly and glanced at the beds around him. Satisfied that they were all still asleep, Remus quietly shut the curtains around his bed and lay back down. He shimmied out of his pajama bottoms and his boxers. Wanking had to be the best way to fall asleep when one was having trouble.

The first step of every good wank was having something to think about. Remus was not exactly "in the mood" at that moment and since this was the most vital part, Remus flipped through his mental catalog of attractive thoughts. Admittedly, most of his fantasies involved boys. Girls, while attractive, simply did not "cut it" for him. There was simply something much more arousing about reaching out to touch somebody with similar bits that pleased Remus to no end.

Remus’s most recent fantasy involved the Ravenclaw Quidditch captain and a steaming hot shower. He had accidentally walked in on the captain while trying to find James after the last match. It seemed to Remus that it would be impossible not to enjoy the thought of anyone soapy and wet from the shower. It was possible that even Peter could be attractive when wet however that thought did nothing to help Remus get "in the mood."

No, it was much more interesting to think about that Ravenclaw with his dark hair and eyes. Remus recalled stopping in his tracks as he came upon him unexpectedly at the open shower in the boys’ locker room. He had watched appreciatively as the boy had soaped himself down, his back to Remus. He had licked his lips appreciatively wondering just what the clean skin would taste like.

Remus had reached down unconsciously to rub against himself, enjoying the thought of the memory, but when the boy in his head turned around, all of his sensual thoughts came to a crashing halt. There was a reason why he had not dug too deep into the memory prior to this. When the boy had turned to face Remus, his eyes had been closed and one seemed to have swelled shut to an ugly purple shade. The boy had taken a Bludger to the face and it was rather difficult to find a black eye attractive.

This isn’t going to work, Remus groaned. I need to think of anyone else. Just as long as I can finally go to sleep!

There was no shortage of attractive boys at Hogwarts. Remus idly tossed around the notion of a few of them, trying to find the right one for the moment. There was that blond Hufflepuff with the long fingers. He looked attractive whenever he was holding a quill. Or perhaps that Slytherin with the dark eyes that seemed to look right though you. He could make Remus weak in the knees with just a brief glance. No, he wanted a Quidditch player to go with his shower fantasy.

It would require the proper lean figure. Quidditch was certainly a sport that could tone a figure perfectly. There would probably be a few scars, but otherwise his skin would be perfect and a nice shade of light bronze from being outdoors so much. It would be smooth and slick to the touch, covered in soap. Remus would practically glide across the body, touching it with every bit of himself that he could.

The moment would be perfect when they began to rock groin to groin. Remus imagined that he would be pushed against the wall of the shower. The icy feel of the tiles against his back would do nothing to quell the burning heat of friction against his front. His hands would be held over his head with one broom; calloused hand. His head would fall back against the tiles as his fantasy Quidditch player would lave and bite at his ears and throat.

Remus tried to push down the moan that threatened to pour from his mouth. He had not remembered to put up a silencing charm around his bed and he did not want to wake anyone up. He brought his free hand up to cover his mouth, biting down a bit on the back of his hand.

The fantasy was perfect. The boy would know the exact moment when Remus was about to completely come undone. He would grind all the more against Remus and purr in a husky voice, "Look at me." That familiar smirk and blue eyes would bore into him. Yes…yes…yes…

Remus’s hand jerked roughly on his length and his eyes shot open as he could no longer hold back his release. Now sated, Remus fished weakly around for his wand and muttered a quick cleaning charm before rolling onto his stomach and promptly passing out cold.

*

Remus woke when his alarm went off the following day. He was still tired, but with a faint bounce to his step. Sometimes it was just nice to release a little bit of tension. He still arrived in the Great Hall before his friends and was already nose deep in a book when they arrived.

Sirius was as loud as usual, laughing and posing himself for nearly anyone that would look at him. James joined in at all the appropriate moments, glancing more than a few times at Remus. Peter was ever the silent worshiper, applauding and laughing in obvious adoration. It was a wonder that Remus was able to get as much work done as he did. After nearly seven years of this behavior, Remus found it more difficult to work in silence than with all of the noise.

The rest of the day passed in much of the same way. After classes, Remus headed to the library to finish off a detailed report for Defense. He needed just a few more notes and knew what book would be necessary to complete the last of it.

"Psst!"

Remus stopped and turned to the source of the sudden sound. James was lounging against the wall behind him, grinning from ear to ear. Remus knew what that grin meant; James wore it whenever he had something up his sleeve.

"Come here for a minute," James instructed, motioning Remus to follow him down one of the castle’s many hidden passageways.

Remus trailed behind James curiously until they stopped in an unused classroom. James sat down on the window ledge and pulled out a half empty pack of cigarettes.

"Fag?" James offered, holding out the pack to Remus. Remus shook his head, so James pulled out one for himself. He lit it with the tip of his wand, letting the smoke drift out of the open window.

Remus shifted nervously from one foot to the other. "Was there something that you wanted to talk to me about?" he asked.

James took a long drag from his cigarette, the smoke curling around his head. He let it all out just as slowly, turning to face Remus once he was done. "I heard you last night," he said, his grin turning into a smirk.

Remus’s eyes widened and he could feel his cheeks get hot. "Well…I…uhh…you see…I was…having trouble…"

"You called my name when you finished."

Remus’s jaw dropped. That was not possible, was it? He played through his mind what the fantasy from the night before had been. The shower with the Quidditch player...and then he was opening his eyes and staring up into a pair of blue eyes…and OH MY GOD!

He had been staring up at a mop of black hair that nearly covered the familiar blue eyes. The smirk across his fantasy's face was the exact same one that James was wearing at that moment. The only thing missing had been the pair of round frames. There was no way to doubt that he had been wanking to the thought of James Potter rutting with him in the shower.

Remus rubbed his cheeks frantically, trying to cover up a bit of his embarrassment. "I didn’t exactly…you see, I wasn’t intentionally…I was just trying to go to sleep…"

"So that means you wouldn’t be interested in trying it out," James asked, arching a brow.

Remus sputtered for a moment, looking up at James. "I…well…you see…I…"

James flicked the cigarette out the window and stood up smoothly. His next movements might not have been considered graceful by any means, more predatory perhaps. He moved toward Remus faster than he could possibly register, pinning Remus between his own toned and lithe body and a desk.

"You seemed to have enjoyed yourself a great deal. You aren’t interested in seeing if the real thing would be any better?" James asked, hovering over Remus.

Remus closed his eyes and tried to push down the lump that had suddenly cut off his ability to speak properly. This most likely would have been much easier if he had imagined someone else, like Sirius for example. No one would have been surprised if Remus professed a fleeting fantasy about having sex with Sirius. There were only a few students over the age of 13 that professed they would not like to participate in naked games with Sirius Black. Of course, Sirius proclaimed that after one night he could win them all.

James was different. James was so busy staring at Lily Evans that it almost made him untouchable. James also claimed that he was completely straight, or when he was feeling particularly romantic, "Lily-sexual". Never in the entire time that they had been friends had Remus ever entertained the notion that James Potter was an object of lust.

He looked up into the same blue eyes that he had seen the night before in his fantasy. Remus let out an unconscious shuddering breath and James’s smirk grew just a bit wider.

When did James suddenly take a fancy to boys? Remus wondered frantically.

"So where were we?" James asked, leaning in to let his nose faintly brush against Remus’s ear.

Shivers ran down his spine and Remus felt James’s arms hold him more securely around the waist. At least he was considerate enough to not let him fall on his ass. Remus forced himself to respond before he could look like a complete idiot.

"The showers…in the boys’ changing room…"

"Hmmm…not bad. I like the idea of a wet, soapy body."

James’s voice was nearly a purr in Remus's ear and an involuntary moan escaped his lips. Remus bit down on his bottom lip quickly, blushing even harder. James laughed, the rumble of it coursing through Remus where their chests touched.

"Where were you in this equation?" James asked next.

"Up…against the wall…you were holding my hands…over my head…" Remus breathed out in between pants.

"So you wanted to give up all of your control to me. That’s surprising," James said. For a moment he seemed to be thinking on the matter seriously. "What else did we do?"

Remus knew that all of his blood was pooled in his abdomen and that thinking clearly was beginning to become difficult. It took him just a brief moment to process the question asked of him. His eyes fluttered shut and he stood limply in the circle of James’s arms. "You were…uhhh…rocking against me…"

It appeared that this pleased James enough to warrant biting down roughly on Remus’s neck. Remus cried out, arching up against James, desperate for the same friction he had felt in his fantasy. It appeared that James might have had a similar thought if the hardness in his own trousers was any indication.

"Unfortunately the wall is just a bit too far away for this," James said quickly before sweeping his leg under Remus’s. They slipped to the floor, Remus landing with a thump on his back. He did not have time to care however, as James was tugging at his pants and working at the bite mark on his neck with his tongue.

Remus felt a brief cold breeze, but it was quickly replaced by the heat of James’s erection being pressed up to his length. James muttered a brief spell into Remus’s neck and he was suddenly falling into a blissful paradise. James had coated them both in soapy water and they glided perfectly against one another.

"Oh…yes…yes…yes…" Remus cried, arching up to meet every rock of James’s hips.

James grabbed Remus’s hands, pinning them roughly to the floor with one hand. He turned his attention back to the bite mark on Remus’s throat, finally breaking the skin and tasting the faint tang of blood on his tongue. With the mixture of pleasure and pain, Remus was sent spiraling into his completion, thrusting weakly and moaning.

Remus lay limply on the floor while James arched into him just a few more times before spilling himself across Remus’s chest. He then propped himself up on his hands so as not to put his full weight on Remus, taking several slow breaths. Finally, he stood up, quickly cleaned himself up and righted his clothing. He pulled out the pack of cigarettes and put them on the desk beside Remus.

"Just in case you change your mind," James said before giving a faint salute and heading out of the classroom.

Remus panted for several long moments, trying to figure out what had just happened. It felt as if he had fallen into some sort of alternate universe. He stood up on shaky legs, using the desk to help himself up. He pulled out his own wand and muttered a quick cleaning charm. Once his clothing was settled in its proper place, he looked down at the pack of cigarettes.

"I suppose I will have that fag now," Remus mused. He pulled one out and moved to where James had been sitting just a few moments earlier.

Now I get to post my fic from hpvalensmut!! ^_^

2007-03-03T23:17:05Z

Title: A Suggestion
Author: Rain mynameissirius
Recipient: a_belladonna
Pairing: Sirius/Snape
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~5002
Summary: “I’ve a suggestion,” Sirius said softly, breaking the silence. “Mind you this is not my way of professing anything permanent or definite, but it’s just a suggestion.”
Author’s notes: I hope that while I was not able to include all of the kinks requested that I have included more than a couple of them. The kinks requested that I have included are, oral sex, Virgin!Snape, romance (of sorts,) first time, and happy endings. I hope that this will be enjoyed by all and especially a_belladonna as this is for her. And of course many, many thanks to asrai99 for being my favorite beta in the universe.

It was almost anti-climactic. All of that work to ensure success and he was still offed by a Death Eater. He could imagine what they would be saying in the Daily Prophet later. Having withstood the attacks of nearly three dozen Death Eaters, he heroically ensured the safe passage of the Boy Who Lived to He Who Must Not Be Named. In his death, he ensured the safety of the entire Wizarding World and…some other rubbish.

Dying was not terribly hard. It seemed like air leaking from a small hole in a balloon. Everything simply seeping out of him, and he slipped into warm darkness. It created a lightness that he could not remember ever experiencing before. From floating aimlessly he settled finally in one spot, slipping out of consciousness for a short while.

“Good to see you got here in one piece.”

“Why would I not?”

Snape opened his eyes slowly; he felt warm, languid with relaxation. There was no reason for him to rush to acknowledge the intruder of his peace. He blinked a few times as things came into focus around him. The faint golden glow of candles was comforting and he sat up to note that for all appearances it looked as if he was in his mother’s home. They had moved out and away from Tobias Snape shortly after Snape’s fifth year. Eileen Prince finally had moved on from her abusive husband and that summer had been the happiest time that he could remember.

The setting was comfortable and it felt as if the final traces of tension seeped out of his body. If he was going to be dead, this was not a terrible place to end up at. However, the fact that Sirius Black was seated in a chair beside his bed might shatter the peace the location created.

“There was a running bet as to whether or not you were going to just live through everything to spite fate,” Sirius commented.

“Fate?” Snape asked, arching a brow.

“Looks like I owe Prongs,” Sirius said with a faint chuckle.

Snape brought a hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose lightly. “Would you care to explain to me how this is supposed to be my utopia if you are here?”

“Get right to the point, don’t you?” Sirius said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “Can’t we start with something easy like…where am I?”

“I know where I am. I am dead. This is the afterlife, and it appears that I did not sacrifice enough in my life as I am actually in Hell,” Snape said, narrowing his eyes at Sirius.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You wish…” he muttered. He stood up and began to slowly pace up and down the length of the room. The obviously nervous man sighed and wrung his hands together as he attempted to collect his thoughts.

Snape mused for a moment that he should have a cup of tea in order to properly enjoy this show. Just as he formed this thought, a cup appeared in his hand. A dark thought circled his mind as he realized that he could most likely make whatever he wanted appear. The notion of a muzzle was particularly amusing at the moment.

“What are you grinning about over there?” Sirius asked, turning to look at him sharply.

Snape just continued to grin if for no other reason than to unnerve Sirius further. Sirius shook his head and resumed his pacing. It took a few moments, but Sirius finally took a deep breath and began.

“I’m here because I asked to be here in your mother’s place. I know you’d much rather have her here, but I needed to talk to you,” Sirius said. “She was rather stubborn about the whole thing really. Argued with me until I was blue in the face, sort of like you do.”

“Of course. She is my mother,” Snape said, easily.

“Well, anyway…the only way that she would let me talk to you was if I promised to fix everything. Since that went along with what I wanted in the first place, I figured that it wouldn’t be too hard to agree to that,” Sirius said with a shrug. “I’m starting to wonder if she knew it was impossible to begin with though.”

“You are avoiding answering my questions.”

“This is still important to my damn answer!” Sirius snapped. “I came here to bloody well apologize to you because I’ve been a right git to you and I know it and I don’t want to be forced to spend the rest of my afterlife feeling miserable.”

Snape merely arched a brow. Sirius sighed yet again and ran a hand through his hair. “Always got to make everything difficult…”

“Black, if you do not get to the point soon I will not wait for you to get there.”

“The summer after sixth year,” Sirius said, slumping back into his chair.

“Ah…”

The animagus shot Snape a look. “It’s a little more than just an ‘ah’ don’t you think?”

“I generally avoid the subject,” Snape said.

“I can’t just ignore it,” Sirius said. “I was a bloody idiot who certainly didn’t know a good thing when I had it.”

Snape shook his head. That summer had always been something that neither party discussed. It had been a vain attempt on Dumbledore’s part to force Sirius and Snape into at least peaceful civility. After Sirius had failed to kill Snape in the Shrieking Shack, Dumbledore believed that the best punishment would be forcing Sirius to work as Snape’s assistant for a rather prestigious internship project that he was offered by St. Mungo’s.

The project had been a great honor. It was an opportunity for Snape to brew potions for the hospital and receive some real world experience that would assist him in the future. Snape had believed that having Black as his assistant to complete all of this work would be difficult with Black’s inherent troublemaking nature. Snape had been completely surprised when it had been nothing of the sort.

“I fail to see why that miserable summer has any importance,” Snape said, standing from the bed.

“Dammit, Snape! You make it so bloody difficult to apologize. Just sit down and shut up for once. I’m trying to do something right and I’ll be damned if you don’t let me do this right!” Sirius said, standing as well. He moved closer to Snape and gave him a rough shove back onto the bed.

*

The summer after their sixth year had started off with some difficulty. Snape returned home to spend the first week with his mother after the term ended. He had not wanted to leave her, but he knew it would be much easier for him to work somewhere where he would simply have everything that he would need. He arrived at Hogwarts, well aware of what was in store for him. At the time it had seemed like a rather brilliant idea to have Sirius as his “servant” for the remainder of the summer.

Sirius had been surprisingly repentant, however and Snape had barely known what to do. Sirius said nothing to purposely instigate things with him, and promptly followed all of his instructions. When Snape spat out a few scathing remarks, Sirius had gone so far as to say that he had probably earned them.

At seventeen, Snape did not have the experience to know what to do in this situation. He had enough paranoia towards Black to not immediately assume that they were going to get along perfectly fine from then on. As the first few weeks of work together went past, Sirius began to ask him questions and they were holding conversations with one another. Sirius seemed honestly interested in him and it had taken Snape completely by surprise.

*

“I wasn’t lying when I told you that you were fascinating. You had such a different upbringing, and yet it was a lot like mine. We both had shitty family lives,” Sirius was saying as Snape returned to the point at hand. “Of course when we started talking more I found out that you were not only intelligent but you certainly had a similarly devious mind. You were inventive in ways I hadn’t thought of and I just wanted to hear all of your ideas on everything.”

Snape snorted. “You were infantile and I simply added to your collection of spells to use against me.”

“No!” Sirius exclaimed, looking down at Snape. “Gods! Can’t you figure out that I’m trying to tell you that I was bloody near obsessed with you!”

“Obsessed? But for what reason?” Snape said, frowning.

Sirius let out a groan of frustration. “I have no idea how I’m going to do this! You’re so bloody stubborn!”

There was a hint of a smirk at that remark. “I suppose you’ll simply have to try harder than that.”

Sirius reached out and grabbed Snape by the collar, hauling him up off the bed. Before Snape had the opportunity to react, Sirius clamped his mouth over Snape’s for a deep kiss.

*

Their first kiss had been unexpected, almost more of an accident than anything else. Sirius had been acting strangely and had nearly walked into him. They had fallen onto the floor with Sirius on top of him. More specifically he landed lips first into Snape’s nose.

A rather attractive blush had hit Sirius’s cheeks and then the lips moved. Snape knew that he had moved his head, but it was obvious that Sirius had as well. They met somewhere in the middle, lips and tongues gliding together excitedly. The blush moved to Snape, as he was surprised by his own actions.

They were both young and hormonal so it would hardly be surprising to note that kissing moved to touching and before too long they were both grinding against one another. It had been the most incredible moment in Snape’s short life and it didn’t seem to be ending soon. Sirius found spots along his throat that made stars flash across his vision and his entire body shake. Snape found that if he moved his leg just so he could make Sirius groan loudly and arch into him with pleasure. If Snape dug his fingers into Sirius’s back Sirius would growl and bit down harder on his neck.

When they finally collapsed, momentarily sated, Sirius let out a small content sigh and curled up just under Snape’s chin. It had made Snape chuckle lightly at the almost cute look on Sirius’s face.

*

“What are you laughing at?” Sirius said, looking stricken. He had lowered Snape back down to his previous seated position.

Snape shook his head. “Nothing…” he insisted, avoiding Sirius’s gaze.

“Sure…nothing,” Sirius muttered darkly before turning away. He paced a bit and stopped in front of Snape once again. Snape had by then taken the opportunity to take a deep breath and push aside the unwanted memory.

Sirius was quiet for a few moments more. “I was happy then,” he said softly. “Happy that I had something special. I would have given anything to make you feel the way that I felt at that moment.”

He refused to look at Sirius. If he did, Snape was certain that he would give himself away. Nothing had hurt more than Sirius’s inevitable betrayal. Admitting that out loud was something that Snape would not allow himself to do. He would not give Sirius a new weapon with which to hurt him.

Snape could hear Sirius stepping away then. The other man moved back to the seat he had occupied before. “If I hadn’t been so bloody scared…terrified, I suppose, of ruining the peace that I had finally managed to get with Remus and James…maybe…it might have been different. I can’t really say what could have or would have happened, but…” Sirius let out a pathetic groan of frustration.

Snape glanced briefly over at Sirius, only to see him with his head in his hands. In all of the time that Snape had known Sirius, he could not recall one time where he seemed at such a loss for words.

“Oh bloody buggering fuck…” Sirius cursed at himself. He stood up quickly and began to pace. “I’m not doing any of this right. This was supposed to be easy. Why in the world did I think this was going to be easy?”

Without realizing it, a hint of a grin tugged at Snape’s lips. He watched raptly as Sirius began a long tirade of how stupid he obviously was and how it was impossible for him to get any of “this” right. The animagus paced liked a caged animal, growing more and more agitated by the second. It occurred to Snape briefly that for as much as he had complained about Sirius being childish and idiotic since leaving Azkaban, it was not far from the truth. Sirius appeared to have been frozen at about the age of 18 or 19 without the ability to truly grow up. It was almost…charming.

*

After that first encounter, it became increasingly difficult for either of them to let the notion lie. It felt good the first time, so inevitably it would feel even more brilliant the second, third, or hundredth time. They set out to try out that theory with a great deal of enthusiasm. Snape was certain that they could work out an arrangement where they would complete all of the work necessary and still be able to rut about like rabbits.

Only two weeks after they had come to this new point, they were beginning to run out of interesting ways to touch one another. What they lacked in experience they were able to make for in their desire to please. Sirius had somehow acquired a rather interesting book which added to their knowledge and for the first time they had experimented with penetration. Snape had blushed as they read through the book together, but after Sirius had finally slid home that very first time, he forgot all about his embarrassment.

It was not completely painless. In fact, Snape dug his fingers roughly into Sirius’s arm for several moments before he felt comfortable with the notion of Sirius moving. Sirius moved slowly at first, experimenting with finding something that Snape would enjoy. It took a bit of maneuvering before Sirius found a spot deep inside of him that made Snape nearly howl with pleasure.

Snape clung to Sirius’s arms taking in this mixture of pleasure and pain with each thrust. He felt dizzy and his entire body shook with the force of the sensations. He felt Sirius go rigid and suddenly he felt the rush of Sirius’s climax filling him even further. Black eyes stared up at the ceiling and he panted, frantic for oxygen.

“Sev?” Sirius called softly. He reached out and stroked Snape’s hair lightly. Sirius pulled out and they both groaned.

Sirius looked worried as Snape still had not responded. He littered Snape’s face with kisses and then slipped down his neck. Snape brought his arms up, wrapping them around Sirius’s back. His eyes fluttered closed at the wonderful feel of Sirius’s lips and teeth against his skin.

Sirius moved away from the faint kiss mark that he had just left, grinning down at Snape. He watched him for only a moment before he settled between Snape’s legs and lowered his mouth down onto him. The feel of suction and tongue along his length was all that was necessary to finally send Snape spiraling into his much desired orgasm. Sirius milked every last drop from him until Snape was left limp on the bed they were sharing.

Everything was faintly hazy around him, so it took a few moments before Snape realized that Sirius had once again curled himself against him. The black head tucked contently just under his chin. Snape managed to lift his head just enough to kiss the top of Sirius’s head, before finally slipping into a content slumber.

The last week of their summer holiday, Snape had returned home to visit his mother. The change in him was hard to miss and before Snape had realized it his mother pried out from him the cause of his newfound happiness. He had believed that she had been pleased with what had happened. Her smile had been the largest that he could recall ever seeing on her. She told him repeatedly that it did not matter to her the details of whom or what Sirius Black was. The only thing she seemed to care for was the smile that was permanently etched on her Severus’s face.

Snape had sent an owl to Sirius about what had happened, but there had not been much time left for a response. He headed, for the first time with excitement, to Platform 9 and ¾. Everything had been going so well until he saw Sirius with Potter. Potter called out a rather rude and scathing remark, and then there had been a held breath. Snape had not really cared what Potter had said, it was Sirius’s next actions that had inevitably destroyed him.

Sirius smirked viciously and laughed. “Good one, Potter.”

*

Thinking back on that made the entire situation seem too simple, too insignificant. There was more to it than that. There was Sirius’s abject refusal to speak to him, let alone mention that he had spent the summer holiday at Hogwarts doing work for Snape of all people. Snape believed that it was something that Potter and Lupin had never found out about. Though why Sirius would not have gloated about his victory over Snape he could not begin to understand.

“Why did you not tell them?” Snape asked finally.

“I…I couldn’t…” Sirius said looking down at the ground. “I realize that this does not justify my actions, nor do I really want it to, but I was scared. I had nothing, Severus…nothing but my friends and for the last six years they had been the only thing that I truly cared about. After I did…that…they had turned on me and I was as good as dead to them. It had taken a lot of pleading and begging and groveling for them to speak to me again. Once I finally had that I didn’t want to do anything to risk it. It was them versus you and I thought that I wanted them more than I wanted you. I don’t know why I didn’t think that I couldn’t have both. I had somehow convinced myself that they would never stand for it. I was just too scared.

“I’m sorry, Severus. I didn’t plan on any of that happening. I didn’t think that it would be a good idea to try to mess with you right after I’d nearly killed you. I honestly felt terrible about what I did,” Sirius said softly, coming to sit down beside him on the bed.

Snape knew that it had happened years ago and he should not be holding the grudge of something that was just a childish fear and childish bickering. However, it hardly felt as simple as his logic reasoned. This had been a crushing blow to his ego, spirit, and faith in the human race. It was harder to let go of a childhood grudge than an adult one, no matter the logic involved.

“If you came here to apologize then you have succeeded, but I will not simply accept that and go on as if nothing ever happened,” Snape said with a shake of his head.

“That would be too out of character for you,” Sirius noted with a faint smile.

“Regardless of any ridiculous excuse that you might have it changes nothing about our situation,” Snape insisted.

“There is no situation, Severus. There is no us,” Sirius said. “I’m not asking for us to go back to that point as if nothing ever happened to us.”

“Then what do you want?”

“A chance to make it up to you. I just want a fresh clean start with none of the rubbish over our heads.”

Snape became silent, slipping into his thoughts once again. It was tempting to simply push Sirius aside and go on with his afterlife. What kind of afterlife was waiting for him? His mother? A few colleagues that he did not know if he could even face? Was that enough?

It was hard to decide if he could be happy that way. Utopia was supposed to be paradise, perfection, everything that the weary traveler needed after a long hard road. It would hardly be any of that if he held onto the anger and the pain. It was not worth it to be like that any longer. Snape knew that he was simply tired of it.

Still, giving in to Sirius had always been dangerous. It had cost him a great deal in the past. Would he be able to stand it if Sirius managed to destroy what was left of his heart?

“Honestly, Severus…it’s not that difficult,” Sirius said. He was suddenly hovering over him, leaning in until their breath mixed.

“With you it is nothing but difficult,” Snape retorted.

“Now you’re being difficult,” Sirius said with a hint of a teasing grin. “Thinking and talking about this isn’t going to convince you one way or another. So I’ll just try another method.”

Before Snape could make any sort of protest, Sirius closed the distance between them for a heated kiss. Sirius slid his hands up Snape’s thighs and up his chest slowly. His fingers found their way to Snape’s dark hair, winding it around his fingers idly.

It seemed odd to Snape that Sirius tasted absolutely the same. There was still the taste of summer, too many Honeydukes chocolates, and that taste that was undeniably Sirius. His lips felt the same, perhaps a bit rougher, but the quality of Sirius’s kisses hardly changed. It only confirmed to him that Sirius had indeed been left frozen at the age of 18.

Sirius finally pulled away and they stared at one another for several long moments. Sirius’s hand lightly kneaded at Snape’s shoulders, tracing through his hair occasionally. They both seemed to be waiting for something from the other.

“I’ve a suggestion,” Sirius said softly, breaking the silence. “Mind you this is not my way of professing anything permanent or definite, but it’s just a suggestion.”

“Get to the point, Black,” Snape pressed, though it lacked a great deal of his usual bite.

“We can go back and try again. Maybe it will work itself out for the best, and maybe it won’t. Maybe there will be other people that we’ll be involved with and it will only prove that this was never meant to be. At least we can start fresh, without any of the past holding us back,” Sirius suggested.

“No wars and no werewolves banging at our doors,” Snape said, arching a brow.

“Exactly. No pressure,” Sirius offered.

Being honest with himself, Snape had to admit that it was a pleasant dream that he had had for himself. It had been hard to go through life as a spy with the pressure and distrust all around him. There was nothing left in the world for him and perhaps starting out fresh, not as Severus Snape, the spy and Potions Master, would be good for him. He was willing to give the notion a try.

“There are a few people that I would like to speak to first,” Snape said.

“Same here. I’m supposed to tell James and Lily if I’m successful,” Sirius explained. “They…want to go with us.”

Snape rolled his eyes. Well it would hardly be as perfect as he could have hoped for. Though if he simply made it his goal to ensure that Potter finally got what was coming to him he would be able to enjoy himself a bit more.

“Don’t look like that. We’re all grown-up now,” Sirius insisted. “Everything will be different.”

“Of course,” Snape drawled.

Sirius frowned, his bottom lip protruding just enough to make it a pout. Snape rolled his eyes once again.

“There is no need to give me that look,” Snape snapped. “There is no such thing as a life without some kind of torment. This time I shall simply be more diligent about getting my revenge.”

Sirius laughed, his forehead coming to rest against Snape’s. “I think that’s the most childish thing I’ve heard come out of your mouth in years,” he said.

“Perhaps the company has finally gotten to me. You’ve been a child stuck in a man’s body for years,” Snape retorted.

Sirius smiled at him again and sneaked in a quick kiss. “I intend to do this right, this time,” he said.

“Everyone has such high hopes for second tries,” Snape said.

“I want it, Severus,” Sirius said, sounding serious for a change. “I want you.”

Sirius leaned in to kiss Snape again, as if wanting to show his conviction was as strong as his words. Regardless of how little Snape trusted Sirius at that moment, it felt wonderful to hear those words.

“This does not mean that I am simply giving into you,” Snape said when Sirius finally allowed him to speak. Sirius bit lightly at the pulse point on his neck and Snape’s eyes fluttered closed against his will. His breath hitched in his throat and he held back the faint moan that threatened to escape.

“I expect that this will be difficult,” Sirius said before laving the bite with his tongue. “Nothing of true value comes easy.”

“Stop trying to sound so wise, Black. It does nothing for your appeal,” Snape retorted.

Sirius pulled back to look Snape in the eyes. “Doesn’t make it any less true.”

“Are you going to have your way with me or continue to attempt to impress me with your flowery words?” Snape asked, arching a brow.

Sirius just laughed and shook his head. “I’m feeling rather tempted to leave you hanging. Might make you appreciate it more later.”

Snape rolled his eyes. “You are utterly impossible,” he said, pushing Sirius away.

“I wouldn’t say that it’s impossible to get into my pants,” Sirius said with a smirk.

He let out a groan. “You have to be the most juvenile person that I have been unfortunate enough to meet!” Snape stood up and moved into the living room, trying to get away from Sirius’s annoying presence. Sirius did not let him get too far away, however, slipping behind him silently.

“I might be persuaded to pin you down and as you say ‘have my way with you.’ That is if you ask me nicely,” Sirius purred into Snape’s ear.

Snape spun around and scoffed at Sirius’s attempt. “A Gryffindor attempting to manipulate a Slytherin?”

“Is it working?”

“Hardly.”

“Can’t fault a guy for trying,” Sirius said with a shrug.

“Black, if you think that this elaborate scheme to get me to…” Snape paused to roll his eyes, “fall for your ridiculous charms is going to work, then you may have a few things coming.”

“I can wait.”

Snape spun around and looked at Sirius in surprise. “Wait?”

“Yes. I can wait,” Sirius said crossing his arms. “I’ve been waiting for the last almost twenty years, what’s a few more going to do.”

Waiting was the last thing that Snape had expected Sirius to do, especially after his repeated attempts at seduction. The Sirius Black that he knew did not take a simple “no” for an answer.

“I realize that you aren’t taking me seriously. I’ve got a poor track record and that’s more than enough to make anyone not believe me,” Sirius said calmly. “However, just keep this in mind. I made a promise that I would fix this, not just to myself, but to your mother as well. If she can believe enough in me that I’m going to try my damnedest to get this right, then it might not hurt for you to give me a bit more of a chance.”

Snape looked at Sirius for a long moment, trying to determine what he should say in response to such words. If there was anything that he had learned about Sirius over the years it was that he was an open book. Sirius could not hide his emotions behind masks and lies. When Sirius was angry, he looked angry. If Sirius was being devious, his lips quirked and his eyes gleamed. At that moment Sirius was not lying and his calm look promised that he would do exactly what he said, wait.

"If you can prove yourself to me," Snape began, "then perhaps things will be different this next time."

Sirius smiled at that. "That's all I'm asking for."

Snape shook his head. This would most likely end poorly, but at the same time, the notion of trying again was appealing. Things would be different this next time and he would not be forced into the same life that he had been in before. Peace was something he thought he could enjoy this second time around. After all, it was hardly worth staying in paradise only to feel unsatisfied.

*

“What happened to your nose? Is it swollen?”

The other boy glared at this strange newcomer. “No, this is how my nose always looks.”

“Oh bother,” the first boy said. He sat down beside him with an annoyed sigh. “Here I’ve gone and put my ruddy foot in my mouth again.”

“That you did,” the second replied with a snort.

That brought a rather broad smile to his face. “I think I rather like you. None of that ridiculous ‘don’t be so hard on yourself’ nonsense.” He settled down then and looked out the window.

It took a few moments but slowly a matching smile graced his face as he looked at this new person. Perhaps... going to this new school wouldn’t be so bad after all.

The End

I'm just a busy little worker bee. ^_^

2007-02-24T02:46:48Z

Title: The Triad Series: Episode 1 – Introductions (1/?)
Author: Rain ( mynameissirius )
Rating: PG-13/R for mentions of off screen dirtiness
Word Count: 2149
Summary: “Welcome to Triad Books!” An AU that finds our favorite adults in a muggle life. (Snape/Black/Lupin)
Authors Notes: So I begin yet another large adventure into the unknown. Always gotta be doing something big. Who needs small stuff? ^_^;;; This is intended to be an open ended series which will contain an unknown amount of “Episodes.” Each episode will most like center around this trio, however as I go along, I’m certain that more than a few other characters will also put in an appearance. This is meant to be something light and fun for me to work on when writing gets slow. I figured that this would be a good starting point for things.
Mucho thank you to my beta, greenwyvern. She’s super cool and actually volunteered to do this often for me! *gasp!*
(Also…this isn’t exactly Snape and Lupin on the motorbike, but it’s not that bad is it? For _lore who was kind enough to sponsor me for hpqfac.)

“I don’t know how you find the time to actually cook for us, when you’re with me at the store all day long,” Sirius commented, standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

Remus collected plates and silverware, before handing them to Sirius. “I make the time,” he said with a smile.

Sirius grinned and kissed Remus’s cheek briefly before setting the table. “Well it certainly smells amazing,” he said. “What do we get tonight?”

“I’ve got a pot roast, potatoes and some vegetables,” Remus said, starting to put everything into serving dishes. “There is more than enough for you to take some with you to work tomorrow.”

“Wonderful!” Sirius exclaimed. He headed to the fridge to pull out drinks for everyone. A bottle of clear soda and the last of the wine made their way to the table to sit beside the salt and pepper. “Is Severus still locked up in his dungeon?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “He’s in his office, yes.”

“Well if he didn’t keep it so dark in there, you might notice the difference,” Sirius teased. “I’ll go collect him for you.”

Sirius turned and headed down the hallway towards the small office that had been set aside as Severus’s. Sirius knocked briefly before opening the door and heading in.

“Helloooo?” Sirius called as he made his way to the desk. As he had said, the room was kept fairly dark. The curtains were thick and closed over the only window. The only light came from the lamp that lit the entire desk. Severus was seated behind the desk, hunched over his figures and books.

He looked up at Sirius and rubbed at his temple unconsciously. “Ah, it is time for dinner I take it,” he said.

Sirius came up behind Severus, reaching out for his shoulders and beginning to massage them. “Soon enough. What have you been working on this time?”

Severus relaxed under Sirius’s hands easily and leaned back in his chair. “It’s tax season. I’m always swamped at this time of year,” he said.

Sirius worked through a particularly difficult spot at the base of Severus’s neck. “Well, try to come to bed at a reasonable hour tonight. I’m sure we can help make you feel better,” he offered with a faint grin.

“If I knew that I would not have more work waiting for me tomorrow I would be more eager to take you up on that offer,” Snape said.

“Do you need any help with all of this stuff?” Sirius asked. “I’m no math wiz, but I’m sure I can use a calculator and fill in the blanks.”

“Perhaps, if things get worse, but I am certain that I can handle things adequately at the moment,” Severus insisted.

“All right. If you say so,” Sirius said. “Come on. Eat dinner and then come back and work on this some more. They can’t give you more work while you’re eating.”

*

Dinner at Brookwood was always an enjoyable affair. The three men that shared the house together conversed and ate. The work was always shared between them. Sirius or Remus would cook the meals; Severus usually tided up the kitchen and cleared away the dishes with the help of whoever did not cook. On the more pleasant occasions, they would move to the living room or sit outside and while away the remainder of their evening.

This particular evening was left to Sirius and Remus alone, however, as Severus retreated once more to his office. Sirius tuned the radio to a light jazz station and they curled up together on the sofa with books to read. Sirius lay with his head in Remus’s lap, which allowed Remus greater opportunity for petting him and running his fingers through his hair, Sirius felt.

Remus headed up to bed first, wanting to run through his nightly routine. Sirius wandered back to Severus’s office to attempt to collect him. He was in the exact same position that Sirius had found him in earlier.

“It’s after midnight,” Sirius said. “You should come up to bed. You’ll be able to work better once you’ve rested.”

Severus sighed. “All right.”

Sirius rewarded him with a kiss, threading his fingers into Severus’s dark hair. He gave Severus a warm smile. “I’ll tuck you into bed,” he promised. It only made Severus shake his head in faint amusement.

Remus was already laying in bed reading. He didn’t look up as they headed to the bathroom to handle their own evening routines. Severus trudged back to the bed they shared and slipped under the blankets. He shifted until he was comfortably pressed against Remus’s side, letting his eyes fall closed tiredly.

Sirius came out a few moments later, tossing his clothing in the hamper. He slipped into bed behind Severus and Remus took that as his cue to put aside the book and turn off the lights. Both men turned to Severus, wrapping arms and legs around him. Sirius ran his hands down Severus’s front, holding him from behind.

“Just relax and leave everything to us, Sev…”

*

“Welcome to Triad Books!”

It was a familiar call, one called out several times a day in the cozy book shop in the downtown area. The store was one of many small businesses, as the area was known for keeping out large corporate chain stores. Everyone that visited the store agreed that it was much more comfortable in Triad Books than any of the large corporate owned chains.

While the owners of the store were not natives to the town, they were still certainly welcome. Mr. Black arrived first every morning with a loud roar of his motorcycle. He was always chipper and eager to begin his day, even when the sun had not made its way over the horizon. He would get everything ready for the store to open. There was always paperwork and coffee to make.

The store offered drinks and some small snacks in order to draw in more customers to sit down and make themselves at home. Sirius had reasoned that if he had the choice between a library and a store for reading, he would pick the store because they would not give him so much grief for having his tea while he read. Having the store sell the tea was even better.

Sirius Black was in charge of the floor at the store. He could find anything you could possibly want in the store and still recommend at least five more options that would have you ready to drop everything and just enjoy. He worked well with customers and was fairly good at defusing any problems that arose with them. He knew all of the regulars by name and favorite book, and would often have what they wanted pulled aside before they even arrived.

The store opened at nine every day. The first hour was fairly quiet unless it was a book release day. Remus would arrive at the shop at ten and man the small café for the remainder of the day. When he was not keeping the café in “ship shape,” he was the events coordinator for the store. He arranged the book signings, book club meetings, and any other events that the local townspeople were interested in having.

Remus was more of a behind the scenes kind of person. He handled all of the marketing and coordinated with their outside vender on the general maintenance of their website. They were a mildly popular source of books on the internet because of their somewhat eclectic selection and less corporate nature.

The daily running of the store was always an interesting adventure. Whether it was a slow business day or a madhouse of people clambering to get their hands on the copy of the newest book by so-and-so, there was always a story to be told at the end of the day.

In most cases they would have a story to tell Severus by the time that he arrived at the store at precisely 3 pm every day. Severus was their bookkeeper and preferred to spend as little time at the store as possible. While he enjoyed the store for its literary purpose, he found the constant movement and noise to be distracting. Not to mention the sight of Remus bent over the oven could often prevent Severus from completing any work for hours. This would lead to a tremendous amount of trouble with Sirius at the end of the day, when he was furious for being left alone to tend the whole store.

So Severus usually slipped quickly into the backroom to take care of the paperwork and ensured that all of their records were properly entered into their accounting system. It was not an overly difficult job. Sirius and Remus were good about keeping everything neat and together (for the most part.) Although there was one instance of a series of chocolate pudding covered receipts that were extremely difficult to read. Sirius claimed to have no idea how they came to be that way.

Severus would sit hunched over his desk in the backroom punching numbers madly into his calculator until he was satisfied that everything had been taken care of. Sirius or Remus would stop to bring him tea and chat with him briefly before returning to their work. At no later than 5:30 pm, Severus would get back into his car and return home. He always had more work to do.

Severus was a private accountant and did the books for many of the small businesses and wealthy residents of the town. He worked well with numbers, much more so than he did with people. Strangely though, his clients seemed to prefer his stiff and sometimes gruff behavior. It gave them the impression that he was going to be just as stiff and stringent with their money.

He worked from home, and the peaceful quiet of the house helped him get his work done. On occasion, Severus would need to travel to the office or the home of one of his clients. For the most part he liked the distance that he could place between himself and his clients. If they needed something, they would call or send him a package of receipts or other notices for him to go through.

The bookstore closed at 6 pm daily. It could stay open longer, but Sirius and Remus knew that they would have to hire more help to do so. They wouldn’t be able to handle working from store open to close as they did if it stayed open late. They returned home and took to cooking and enjoying the remainder of the evening together.

*

After 2 am, Severus came out of his office. He had once again been busy in his office all day long. Tax season was beginning to wear on him and he was grateful that he had nearly finished everything that he had been given.

Severus was surprised that he was allowed to remain undisturbed for so long. It was an uncommon occurrence, as Sirius preferred to drag him to bed at a more reasonable hour. He stepped into the living room briefly as he noticed a light on. There was the sound of light snoring and Severus looked over the back of the sofa to see Sirius asleep, sprawled across the sofa. It became apparent that this was why he had been left alone for so long.

Severus slipped around the sofa, looking down at Sirius fondly. He shook his head wondering, not for the first time, why it was that Sirius was more like a dog than a man sometimes. His unfailing loyalty was surprising and more than slightly endearing.

“He said he didn’t want to let you go to bed alone.”

Remus slipped behind Severus, wrapping his arms loosely around his waist. He looked tired and had most likely woken at the sound of the door opening and closing. Remus woke easily at the slightest noise.

“He did not have to go to such great lengths. He needs to be at the store in the morning,” Severus replied.

“Oh you know how Sirius is…” Remus said. He pressed his face into Severus’s back and smiled.

“Yes…” Severus let out a faint sigh. “Go back to bed. We’ll be up in a moment.”

Remus pulled back, pausing only to press a short kiss to his cheek. “Don’t be too long.” He turned and headed up to their bed.

Now alone with the still snoring man, Severus knelt down beside the sofa. He ran a hand through Sirius’s hair lightly. It was hard not to be grateful to the two men that shared his life. He had a great deal of freedom, but at the same time they were never far off if he should need them.

“Wake up Sirius. It’s time for us to go to bed.”

My still unposted CCS Valentine fic

2007-02-23T22:34:04Z

Title: Explaining Valentine’s to Yue
Gift For: les_lenne
Author: Rain ( mynameissirius )
Pairing: Toya/Yukito? (Who knows?)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,366
Summary: Valentine’s Day was most likely one of the most horrendous days of the year… It appears that Yue doesn’t understand what that means.
Author’s Note: Sorry that it’s a bit belated to be a Valentine’s fic. I tried to bring in as much of your request as possible. I hope that you’ll enjoy it. Thank you to my beta ( asrai99 ) for her help. ^_^

Valentine’s Day was most likely one of the most horrendous days of the year, at least in Touya’s opinion. He usually spent much of his time avoiding the girls who were more than willing to ply him with sweets. By the end of the day he still managed to come away with a full bag as the girls had taken to just leaving them in his locker. Touya grumbled and muttered darkly about it all, but he would never throw them away. Come White Day, each girl would have received a small token and a note declining any future for them. The chocolate was usually enough to prevent them from causing a scene.

Yukito just laughed at Touya’s frustration. He had two of his own bags of sweets, but he never declined the gifts from the girls. He enjoyed them far too much to say no. In return on White Day, Yuki personally returned each gift with one of his own and declined any date requests with his dazzling smile. Touya was of the opinion that the fluffy headed girls that followed Yukito around were actually more interested in the smile they got than in any possible date. Touya knew that he would be.

Touya shook his head quickly to dispel that distracting thought. Yukito looked over at him worriedly. “Are you all right?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Touya said.

They arrived at Touya’s home before anyone else. Sakura had practice after school and was spending the night at Tomoyo’s after that. His father had run off on yet another archeological adventure and would not be back for at least two more days. It was almost convenient that they had the house to themselves. Yukito would most likely spend the evening there as he did on many of the nights that they found themselves home alone.

Touya headed into the kitchen first. “What do you feel like having for dinner?” Touya asked over his shoulder.

He looked through the cabinets briefly and tried to decide what would be easiest for them to make. The silence from the other room broke Touya from his thoughts and he turned back to the living room. “Yuki?”

Hovering over the bags of sweets (and spraying feathers everywhere) was Yue standing in Yuki’s place. Touya was surprised by the appearance of the Moon Guardian, but hid it well. He crossed his arms and arched a brow.

“Was there something that you were looking for?” Touya asked.

Yue looked up, seeming for a moment like a petulant child that had not wanted to be caught doing something. He straightened himself quickly and the faint trace of childlike warmth was replaced by the icy guardian once more. “What is this?” Yue demanded, pointing at the bags.

“They’re Valentine’s gifts,” Touya said simply.

Yue rolled his eyes. “What are Valentine’s gifts?”

“I would have thought you would know by now. This isn’t the first time that Yukito has gotten Valentine’s gifts,” Touya commented. “It’s a tradition, a holiday that is a bit over-rated if you ask me.”

“Oh?” Yue prompted.

Touya moved over to one of the bags and pulled out a box of chocolates. He tossed aside the garish red bow and opened the box to show Yue the contents. “You give sweets, usually chocolates to people to show that you like them. It’s supposed to be a way to get someone to go out with you.”

“’Go out?’” Yue asked.

“Yeah, you know. Date, relationships, love and all that fluffy stuff,” Touya grumbled.

“Ah…I see,” Yue said, turning back to the bags of chocolates. “You both must have many…dates.”

“Hardly,” Touya said shaking his head. “I never accept the dates and you should know that Yukito just wants the chocolate. The only chocolates Yukito accepts are the ones from Sakura. Those aren’t for dates anyway.”

“What are those chocolates for?” Yue asked.

“Sakura’s crazy about Yukito, but she’s already got that baka boyfriend. Sakura likes to give everyone chocolates because she cares about them,” Touya said.

Yue seemed to think on this for a few moments. “So this ‘over-rated’ holiday is actually just intended to be a time to show the people you care about that you like them under the thin veil of dating and romance.”

Touya’s eyebrows shot up at that. “Uhh…I suppose you could say that.”

Yue nodded and dug through the bags again. He paused and pulled out a small card that was attached to one of the boxes. “’I look forward to your response on…White Day?’ What is that?”

“Well, White Day is exactly one month away. The tradition is that girls give out the chocolates on Valentine’s Day and then the boys respond with their own gifts on White Day,” Touya explained.

“That seems to be a respectable exchange,” Yue said with a stiff nod. He put the box back and turned to the front door.

“Where are you going?” Touya asked, reaching out to stop Yue.

Yue shot Touya a dark look and pulled his arm away. “That is not your concern. I will return shortly,” he said before opening the door. “And Yukito has requested that you make pasta for dinner.”

The door slammed shut behind the grumpy guardian and Touya sighed. It was easy to forget why anyone could possibly like the miserable ball of feathers when he acted like that. Touya stomped back to the kitchen, muttering to himself. He admitted only one saving grace over the exchange: at least Yukito did not act like that on a regular basis.

The process of completing dinner was enough to calm Touya down. He left the pasta to cook while he went through the bags of Valentines. He piled all of the chocolate together for Yukito to pick at over the next day or two (it would hardly make it past that.) Once that was finished he separated their cards and wrote a list of all of the sweets that Yukito had received so that he would not forget how much chocolate he would need to make (not that it mattered since Touya would make it all with him anyway.)

Touya had just pulled out his textbooks to begin working on his school work when there was a knock at the door. He had a fleeting thought that it would be nice if he could still tell who was on the other side without having to look as he opened the door. Instead of a person, the first thing Touya saw was a brightly wrapped chocolate…bunny?

Touya looked around the bunny at Yue who was standing there expectantly. He still wore the serious face that he always did, but the chocolate bunny somehow ruined the effect.

“What’s this?” Touya asked.

“It’s for you,” Yue said. “Obviously.”

“What’s it for?” Touya asked, arching a brow.

“Must I spell it out for you?” Yue asked, muttering and storming into the house. “It’s for you as a Valentine’s gift.”

A small grin curled on Touya’s lips. “Are you asking me out on a date, Yue?”

Yue’s feathers fluffed up indignantly and he turned away. “Do you accept this or not?”

Touya came up behind Yue, standing close enough to whisper in his ear. “It wouldn’t be so bad if you were,” he said as he closed his hand over Yue’s and the chocolate bunny.

Yue whipped around to face Touya. He sputtered briefly, trying to find an appropriate retort, before settling on just letting Yukito respond instead. There was a brief flash of light and Yukito stood in Yue’s place, giggling madly at the Moon Guardian’s actions.

Touya grinned and looked down at the chocolate bunny. “Are you ready for dinner, Yuki?”

Yukito bobbed his head excitedly, before turning to rush into the kitchen table. Touya brought everything out to the table and took his usual seat beside Yukito. The chocolate bunny was placed beside his plate while they dug into the pasta.

Yuki paused after a moment and giggled once again. “To~ya! Yue says that for White Day he expects something that isn’t sweet,” he said.

Touya smiled at Yukito. “I’m sure I can come up with an appropriate gift in exchange,” he said.

Happy Valentines Day, shishio

2007-02-16T01:42:58Z

Title: Dear Remus: A Valentine from Sirius to Remus
Author: Rain ( mynameissirius )
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 2,062
Summary: A Valentine note for a slightly lost Sirius. A part of the my_moonshine universe.
Disclaimer: No, I don’t own it. I write for pleasure and receive no gain and neither does hpqfac. It’s intended for love and charity only.
Author’s Note: I realize that most of this will be rather confusing and O.o to most people, but it was my valentine gift to my wife and writing partner, shishio. I had hoped to be able to write something more “understandable” for acejillian as she had requested Sirius/Remus as a gift for doing the wonderful thing of sponsoring me for the hpqfac. I regret that I’ve been having a bit of a drought of inspiration for that kind of fic. I’ve been a wee bit busy playing with other fics that I’ve been working on and therefore…failed. *hangs head * The best I can say is that while we haven’t posted this far into our epic soap opera, the feelings and message still comes across nicely. This remains unbeta-ed due to the nature of the “stream of conscious” writing that I was attempting. I didn’t want to change how Sirius worded anything regardless of how well it went across. This is exactly how Remus would have read it.

If I’ve still got your attention, then you deserve a hug. ^_^ I hope it’s enjoyed.

Dear Remus,

This Valentine’s Day I wanted to do something special for you. We’ve been together for the last 23 years and every moment of it has been a wonderful. There have been ups and downs, fights, losses and wins. We’ve been through so much together that I feel as if pulling down the moon isn’t enough to show how much you mean to me.

I know I can just show you how I feel. We have a bond that will share our every thought and emotion. Sometimes even after this long, I feel like that’s just not enough. Can I really show you all of the depth of emotion with just one glance, one rush of feeling between us? Do you really see all of it?

Thinking further on it, I knew that I wanted you to know that you are the most incredible person on the face of the earth. You’re smart, talented, playful, loving, a wonderful father, and a perfect partner and husband. Thinking what to do in order to show you all of this and how much I love you seems like such a tall order. How do you put all of that in a package with a boy and a card?

I talked about it with Ashlyn for a while and she said that I should just get you flowers and a nice card. I realize that I must have gone wrong somewhere with her, because she doesn’t have much of a romantic bone in her body. Of course, she’s also much too busy to talk to me now that she’s hip deep in Auror training. For now I won’t hold it against her.

Channing said that I should give you kisses and hugs, and while that’s certainly somewhere on the agenda (and hopefully we’ll both be naked for it) that’s not exactly enough. I’m sure you’ll love his Valentine’s gift for you though. It’s very cute.

So once again I’m back to the drawing board.

I was thinking briefly about one of Regulus’s birthdays, specifically the year that I wore that gold Sun outfit and tried to seduce you on the dance floor. If I recall correctly I said something along the lines of “For too long you’ve worshipped the moon. I think its time that you worshipped me instead.” You were gorgeous and I simply wanted to see you come undone under my stare. I felt like I wanted to devour you and pull you completely inside of me. It was as if I wasn’t complete until I was buried deep inside of you. I took my time about it, dragging out as long as I could, simply because the burning feeling in my skin felt too good to end too soon.

Excuse me. I think I got a little carried away with myself there. You have the tendency to bring that out of me. I feel so many things all at once when I’m around you. Sometimes I can’t decide if I just want to hold you in my arms to feel the security of you there, or if I want to simply take you wherever we are regardless of who is watching, or I just want to look at you and wonder how in the world I ever got so lucky.

This trip down memory lane isn’t so bad. Let’s see what else I can think of. I remember that the first time we made love after you took that potion, sealing yourself back into one person. It was different, but at the same time it was still the same. We spent hours seemingly relearning everything about one another. You stared at me with those gold eyes of yours, sparkling yellow. It took me by surprise how seamlessly you would shift, one moment roughly scratching and biting and then the next to a tenderness that nearly made me cry. I suppose you were trying to relearn the feel of your skin as much as the feel of my own. I’d always known how much you loved me, but that night I felt it more than I could remember having felt it in a long time. I felt worshipped, for a better word. I can’t quite describe the feeling, other than to say that if I had not already been determined to follow you off the edge of the earth I would have (and still will) after that night.

When you opened the front door to the house that day and there was the basket and Ashlyn waiting there for us, I remember how happy you were. She really was a gift for us. Having Harry for a godson was wonderful, but having a child of our own was so much more. She was such a small, fragile thing once upon a time. Her little hand could barely curl around my finger. You loved her so much. You still do, of course. You looked so beautiful when you would hold her and play with her. It was a glow that poured out of you and filled the room completely. You both meant the world to me and I would have done absolutely anything for you (and still would.)

Now Ashlyn is 18 years old. She’s grown so much and into such a beautiful woman. I know that she’s become that because of you. She’s responsible and intelligent and many things I could only wish to be. I am so proud of her and proud of you for helping to raise her. Ashlyn is going to be an Auror, and get married and be the most amazing woman, all because of us.

(A small wet splotch stains the page at this point.)

Sorry. I’m starting to get maudlin. Sometimes I miss having her at home, and other times I just want her to keep growing and making us proud.

Sometimes I wonder though, why did you decide to stop teaching? Is it just because Channing is still very young? You had always said that your dream was to be a teacher. When you were a teacher you were so happy about it. It suited you perfectly. I don’t understand why you couldn’t go back to it, even if it wasn’t at Hogwarts. You could do private tutoring, or even open your own school.

I should probably think of a more happy thought now, something to lighten the mood. I know! When Ashlyn was seven we went to that muggle place, Disney right? Well we went to that Disney place and had the times of our lives. At one point we had been going through that tree house and Ashlyn and I wandered off together. You were trying to find us when all of a sudden we came up behind you and surprised you. The look on your face was priceless, though I will say that being tickled to the ground by the both of you was exhausting and I was glad to rest for lunch after that.

We’ve done a lot in our lives. All of that time we spent in Hawaii was good for us, even if we should have been here. Staying in England we might not have been able to handle everything that we needed to. Though I think I’ll always have difficulty trying to see how you went from Surfer Remus to Proper Professor Remus. You did look awful cute with that tan and the bit of freckles across your nose.

What else have we done that’s monumental? I suppose I could go into the obvious of fighting in a never ending war and proving that once against light is victorious over dark, but that’s so overdone really. I’d much rather concern myself with us, as in the four of us that make up our family.

Channing is most definitely something monumental. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever really thought of you as a knight in shining armor. You really are his hero. You took him from that terrible place and brought him somewhere that he had only dreamt about. Channing has this chance that would have never been possible if you hadn’t been the one to find him. He’s completely besotted with you and you with him.

I think my new favorite thing to do is to watch the two of you. Channing is pretty amazing with his sometimes adult thoughts. He reminds me of Lyall when he acts like that sometimes. He’s always interested in everything that you have to say. He stares up at you with his big eyes like your bestowing him with a gift. In a way you are. Love is the best gift of all.

The first time I remember seeing Channing call you Daddy was amazing. You completely melted. I know that the feeling that filled you was so strong that I felt like I was going to burst. It was like falling in love again, only it was different. You fell in love with him as if he was a product of you and therefore a piece of you and your soul. You love Ashlyn with all of your heart, but its nothing compared to how you feel about Channing.

He has made you so completely happy. I can’t help but love to watch you two. You curl up on the sofa and read together, whether it’s a book that he can read to you or one that you read to him. You are teaching him all of the wonderful things that you can bake, as the house fills up with laughter and the sweet smells of cookies and cakes. Channing loves all of the things that you love, so I feel lucky because that means that he loves me too.

I still haven’t figured out what I can give you that will show you how much that I love you. I’m wondering if there is really anything left to give that will suit this particular holiday. After all, I’ve already given you a connection to hold my life in your hands. What’s more of an “I love you” than a permanent gateway into my thoughts and emotions?

Flowers and candy seem a trifle moot, even if you can be contented with just a bar of chocolate. We’ve traveled. I’ve wined and dined you. I’ve cooked for you and we’ve had picnics together. I’ve given you jewelry and cards. We laid out under the stars and made love in the grass. I’ve tried poetry and showing you beautiful things just to see you smile. What else is there to give to someone that’s the most important person in your life?

It’s almost like the question of what to get Regulus for his birthday. Regulus made himself independently wealthy on a hundred beautiful paintings and modeling. He can buy anything he wants up to and including pieces of third world countries. So what do you buy for the man that has quite literally everything? I know that his 35th birthday present had been a good idea, but that’s not exactly what I intend to get for you.

I’ve rambled quite a bit in this letter, haven’t I? At least if all else fails I can give you this as a Valentine’s gift. You’ll probably laugh at my soppy words and tell me that you love me, too. That would be a nice Valentine’s gift, just those three words. I’m easy to please at least.

Well before I cover another page with my sop, I’ll close here and simply wish you a Happy Valentine’s. Channing and I will have dinner ready at precisely 6 o’clock and somehow I managed to beg Ashlyn to stop by for tea at least. I expect that once Channing is in bed and Ashlyn’s return to her “all night study session” (that poor boy, I don’t know how Neville can stand it) it will be just you and I and there will be no early waking in the morning. I’ve already asked Toddy if he wouldn’t mind watching Channing the next day. So we’ll just drop him off with the twins and Toddy and then have all the time in the world for ourselves. Not a bad arrangement if I do say so myself.

Anyway, I love you, Remus Lupin. I love you more than I can possibly express with words, thoughts and emotions.

Your husband,

Sirius Black

Wicked Game - Part 3: World Was On Fire

2007-01-30T21:53:58Z

Title: Wicked Game
Author: Rain ( mynameissirius )
Pairing: Snape/Black
Rating: R (mildly graphic descriptions of smuttiness)
Summary: AU. Severus Snape is a talented spy with only one goal in mind. Sirius Black is a wrench into his plans and he will not stand for it.
Authors Note: Thank you muchly to my wonderful beta, asrai99. You're pretty much the coolest thing since sliced bread. I had originally intended to post this a bit more, but umm...well...since I'm a little slow... ^_^;;;;
Chapter Word Count: 1,129

Part 3: World Was On Fire

“Hello Severus…”

He spun quickly, his heart pounding madly in his ears. He stared wide eyed at the decaying Sirius Black. Severus quickly schooled his expression into a sneer, which wasn’t that hard as he felt the necessary disdain for that sneer.

“How the hell did you get in here?” Severus bit out.

Here being his personal quarters in the dungeons. Sirius had been living in the caves just beyond Hogsmeade during the last few months, in a vain attempt to protect his beloved godson. He shouldn’t have been there. He shouldn’t have been anywhere near the school.

“I came through the doggie door,” Sirius said with a vicious smirk. There was a strange light dancing in his eyes and he slowly advanced on Severus. “Albus asked to speak to me and requested that I come in person. He was kind enough to let me speak to you. It’s not as if anyone would notice me here with you. You’ve been spending a lot of time locked in your dungeons.”

Severus narrowed his eyes at Sirius, furious that he would make such an assumption.

The sound that came out of Sirius’s mouth was more like a bark than he had ever recalled his laugh being. Sirius tossed his head back in amusement and then returned his steady gaze to Severus’s eyes.

“Do you think I haven’t talked to anyone? There are always people that are willing to talk when questions are asked. I know a lot about what you’ve been doing down here, locked away in your dungeon,” Sirius said.

Severus took an unsteady step backwards, unconsciously attempting to put more distance between them. He could hear his own mental voice insisting that this was the end of it. This is your punishment for what you did to him. He will finally kill you and there will not be anyone to stop him.

“Did you know that your colleagues think that you’ve started to lose touch?” Sirius asked. “They bloody think you, of all people, are starting to go crazy! Isn’t that utter crap! Ha! You couldn’t go crazy. You don’t have any reason to go crazy. Or…do you?”

Severus’s mask of annoyance faltered briefly, but he locked it back into place. “Did you have a purpose for coming here or did you simply wish to finally be hexed into oblivion?”

“I think I have a good reason for coming here. I want you to answer my question and I’ll get the truth out of you even if I have to pour enough Veritaserum down your throat to kill an elephant,” Sirius said. His vicious grin widened a bit more.

Sirius was nearly on top of him now, and Severus had been backed up against his bookshelf. There was nowhere to go and his eyes searched desperately for an exit. He lifted his hand holding his wand, and Sirius slapped it away so quickly that he could do nothing but watch the thin piece of wood slide across the floor and too far away for him to hope to catch or call to his side.

“Why did you do it, Severus?” Sirius asked his voice dangerously low. “You and I both know the truth about what’s going on in that head of yours. You knew that it was Peter all along. You don’t have to play stupid with me. You let me to go prison for a crime that I didn’t commit.”

“If you already know the answer to the question then why are you asking me,” Severus snapped quickly.

“Because that’s not the reason, obviously. You wanted me to go to prison. You could have had your peace if you gave him away, but you didn’t. You chose to let me go to prison,” Sirius said his voice rising with each sentence until he was shouting. “Why did you do it?!”

“Why the hell do you think?” Severus yelled back. “I wanted you to get the hell away from me! With you gone I could have my peace!”

This seemed to please Sirius even more, and there was another barking laugh. “Yes…of course. Of course…that was it. You didn’t know what to do when you suddenly became attached.”

Severus scoffed at the notion. “Don’t be bloody ridiculous. What was there to get attached to?”

Sirius continued to laugh, stepping away from Severus. He was holding his stomach and trying to force deep gasping breathes in between each chuckle. The sight was more disturbing than his earlier aggressive actions. Azkaban had certainly stolen away from him the last hint of any semblance of sanity that he might have had.

“You bloody fool! You had the prize and you threw it away because you couldn’t handle it! This is rich! I overestimated you. I thought…oh gods I thought that you honestly…” Sirius had to stop in order to allow another set of barking laughs.

Severus finally recovered himself enough to finally straighten and give Sirius a wilting stare. “Get out of my quarters immediately,” he demanded. “GET OUT!”

Sirius wiped off a tear that was already sliding down his cheek from his amusement. “Don’t worry, I’ll leave. I promise you that you will fix this. You’ll fix me and you’ll fix this delusion of yours,” Sirius said with his grin back firmly in place.

Severus snorted, clearly not putting much stock into the ravings of a lunatic. Sirius took the opportunity to nearly attack Severus. He grabbed him around the neck and captured his lips for a devouring kiss. Severus tried to push away, but only for just a moment before the assault sent his senses reeling from the memories that it called. Sirius’s hands worked their way through his hair, carding gently in exact contrast to the harsh press of lips. Severus’s knees wavered and he rested his weight against Sirius.

After several long minutes, Sirius pulled away just enough to take in a few panting breaths. “Oh yes…now…I remember that…there’s no taste like that…intoxicating,” he breathed against Severus’s lips.

The words seemed to shake him back to the present. Severus recollected himself and slapped Sirius away, sending him to the floor. Sirius held his cheek and looked up at him, searching for something. They locked gazes for several long moments. Severus’s cold stare was the personification of “if looks could kill.” Sirius seemed completely unfazed by the look. He simply stood slowly and turned to leave the room.

Sirius stopped at the door, his hand on the door handle. “I’ll be back, Severus…don’t get yourself killed.”

He stepped out into the hallway and the door shut softly behind him. Severus was left seething, reeling in anger at his parting words. It would be of no surprise if the man could hear his roar of frustration down the hall.

mynameissirius @ 2006-12-19T01:56:00

2006-12-19T01:56:53Z

Title: Welcome to Brookwood Manor
Author: Rain ( mynameissirius )
Pairing: Snape/Sirius/Remus (with bits of Snape/Sirius and Sirius/Remus
for fun)
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 6,883
Summary: AU. Take a walk through Brookwood Manor, and see who lives there.
Author's Note: I originally dabbled with the idea of taking one of the daily_deviant's Merry Smutmas challenges with this fic. However, I was a wee bit worried that it would satisfactorily cover the prompt's requirements. Hopefully it will still be thoroughly enjoyed. Also many, many thanks to my betas imwithharvey, madsophiehatter, and asrai99.

Brookwood Manor was the home of three very different individuals. The name for the sprawling house was hardly appropriate; it was a large home, but it was nothing at all like any of the real manors that those three had seen or lived in. The name created the feel of something more flashy and expensive than it really was.

Upon entering the Manor, one would notice that there were three coat hangers with three different cloaks waiting for their owners. The first was a worn brown floor length coat. It was thin and patched in some places, looking to be the
most comfortable of the three. The second coat was waist length and made of midnight black leather. A pair of matching leather riding gloves hung out of the coat pocket. A pair of black sunglasses stuck out of the other pocket. The last coat was an impeccably tailored full length coat. It appeared to be the best cared for of the three coats,
made of a moderately expensive wool material. It was fairly plain in black with the only sign of flair being at the cuffs where a black snake coiled almost invisibly around the sleeve. It was obvious from that alone that the three people living in this house were completely different. One warm and comforting, the second wild and occasionally dark, the third stiff and formal. Despite the odd combination, everything seemed at ease. Well...for the most part.

"One would have hoped that over the course of the last several years you would have gained an ounce of common sense!"

"You bloody ass! I didn't spill the damn coffee on purpose!"

"I do not know how it is possible that you can function properly with the way you constantly leave destruction in your
wake."

"I told you I'd bloody well fix it! Just shut up already!"

On the kitchen counter was a soggy mess of parchment covered by a freshly overturned coffee pot sitting on the counter. The coffee was beginning to drip onto the floor in little splatters. The three occupants of the house were scattered about the room. A tall man with limp black hair hanging around his piercing black eyes stood by the doorway to the hall. He glared angrily at another who stood motionless by the mess. The other man was about as tall as the first one with long black hair pulled back in a loose braid that hung down his back. His grey eyes were filled with frustration and he returned the stare from the first man. The third occupant was seated at the kitchen table, holding a cup of tea in his hands. His shoulder length brown hair was highlighted with more than a few strands of silver and was loosely held with a black hair tie. He had a small smile on his face as he watched the pair silently.

"Severus," the otherwise quiet man said, "it was an accident. Sirius had no intention of ruining your work and you know it. If you want to take your foul mood out on someone you have more constructive means of doing so."

Snape turned to sneer at the quiet man. "I have no intention of taking it out of your rear, Remus," he spat before turning on his heel and storming from the room.

Remus simply shook his head before taking another sip from his tea cup. Sirius sighed and resumed cleaning up the mess of coffee and parchment. He pouted a bit as he cleared away the mess with a few short spells. He banished the remains of coffee and then began the tedious task of trying to remove the stains from the parchment.

"He's always so bloody well convinced that I do this on purpose," Sirius muttered.

"You just happen to be an easy target because you fight back," Remus said, shaking his head. "He's been upset since his proposal to the Hall of Alchemy was turned down. Things are just difficult for him."

"It doesn't mean he should treat me like that," Sirius said with a pout.

*

The kitchen was a rather cozy room, with two sets of windows lined with thin, beige curtains that could not block the light from filling the room. Other than the spill that Sirius was working on, the entire room was neat and tidy. A kettle sat on the stove (surprisingly a Muggle gas stove) waiting to be refilled or heated at any time.

The table in the kitchen was where most of the meals were served. The use of a dining room simply seemed excessive to them; it was homier to gather around the table in a room warmed by and full of the scents of cooking. Usually it was a peaceful room, unless moments such as this one led to squabbling. It was one of the rooms that they would meet together as their usual hobbies and jobs kept them busy most of the time.

Between the kitchen and the hallway was the living room, which was most commonly used in the evening. The room had more than enough to entertain the three men. There was a shelf of books against one wall. There was a sofa and a coffee table positioned in the center of the room. Beside the sofa was a rather uncomfortable looking straight-backed leather chair, something that fit surprisingly well with the otherwise soft room. A small television was seated on a TV tray with a few VHS movies piled up beside it; the VCR sat under the television amidst a mess of wires and cables that did not appear all that necessary.

A letter slipped through the fireplace which had suddenly lit up with a bright green blaze. It lasted only a brief moment and the letter sent through floated to rest on the rug, covered in dog hair. The house's occupants would not be aware of the silent arrival.

Continuing through the house was a second hallway. There were two rooms off this hallway, one a communal bathroom intended for when they actually had guests in the house. A faint odor was emanating from the second room. A faint curl of smoke rose from underneath the doorway alerting the person at the door that there was work being done in the
room.

Sirius stood in front of the door, looking a bit nervous. In his hand was the stack of parchment, dry and only a faint scent of coffee marring their once pristine state. After a moment, he lifted his hand and knocked lightly on the door. Once he heard the stiff response of "Come in," he pushed the door open slowly and stepped into the room.

The workroom was small and organized. The room's single window was completely covered with thick black drapes ensuring that the only light came from the lamps placed at equal distance from one another throughout the room. The walls were a dull color. A few failed experiments had caused them to lose their original pleasant sheen. Along one wall were several shelves of ingredients, each bottle carefully labeled in small, neat handwriting. On the opposite wall were other necessary supplies; different cauldrons, stirring rods, protective equipment, cleaning supplies, etc carefully placed on shelves or hung on hooks. Everything had its place and everything was laid out with detailed precision. The center of the room had two worktables in order to complete multiple projects as necessary.

Snape was huddled over a cauldron at the back table, carefully stirring the boiling contents. Sirius waited by the door until Snape put down his stirring rod and turned to face him. He held out the parchment to him and took a few
steps towards him.

"I'm really sorry...about all that. I got rid of the stain. The...ink faded a little in the process. If you want I can rewrite it all for you," Sirius said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"No. That should be fine," Snape said, taking the offered parchment and moving to his desk to place them away from anything that could damage them further.

Sirius shifted briefly from one foot to the other for a few moments. "I guess I'll just leave you to your work then," he said, turning to leave the room.

A hand reached out closing around his wrist, stopping him from going anywhere. Sirius turned to look back at Snape, and his chest suddenly slamming into Snape's. In the moment that he was too startled to respond, Snape reached around to place a hand at the base of Sirius's neck. The kiss that followed was long and deep, enough to make Sirius's legs nearly collapse under him.

Snape spun them around quickly, taking advantage of the daze that Sirius was in. He propped Sirius against the table he was working at, pinning him there with his hips. Snape trailed his kisses, burning hot, down Sirius's throat, smirking just faintly at the trail of kiss marks he left in his wake. Sirius panted and moaned, clinging to Snape's back, digging his
fingers into the robe that covered it. With the daze that he was slipping into, he had no way of knowing that Snape was working his way through the buttons of his shirt.

"Oh gods..." Sirius sputtered as his shirt was suddenly tossed aside and Severus turned his attention to the pert nubs that he revealed. One hand alternately tugged and flicked at the dusky pink nub while he focused on the other with tongue and teeth. "Oh...! Oh gods...don't stop!"

With practiced ease, Snape continued his assault and completed disrobing Sirius. Sirius arched desperately into Snape, as a wild heat chased away any thoughts that he might have needed to hold onto. There had been a reason for him being in the room before, but he certainly couldn't state what it was at that moment. No, Severus was there and his hand was...oh...

Snape smirked at the garble of profanity that spilled from Sirius's kiss swollen lips as he closed his hand on the already
hard length. Sirius's cries continued as he gave one...two...three torturously slow strokes.

"Oh gods don't just tease me like that, you bastard!" Sirius growled.

Perhaps that was the magic word that was required, although it would certainly not be considered the most common
way to request something. Snape pulled away only long enough to turn Sirius to face the table and brush aside his own robes. He slid into him roughly and without warning, causing Sirius to cry out in a mixture of pain and pleasure. Sirius bit down on his lip to prevent the loud cry from being wrenched from his throat.

Snape pressed against him, fully sheathed but unmoving. "Stop holding it in. I can wait as long as it takes," he breathed against Sirius's ear.

Sirius glared at him over his shoulder and refused to do so. Instead he clenched his muscles around Snape, tightening his hold on him. The black eyes looking at him seemed to unfocus for a surprised moment. Snape collected himself quickly and grabbed the braid hanging down Sirius's back, pulling his head to the side in a harsh jerk. Sirius let out a strangled yelp of surprise that melted into a long groan as Snape bit down on his now exposed throat.

"That's better," Snape purred viciously before he began his slow rhythm. Sirius arched into him to meet each stroke, but
found no satisfaction as Snape managed to pull away just enough to lightly tease the hidden gland.

His breath came out in a series of whimpers and pants. That glorious sensation was so close that he could taste it. No matter what he did to try to draw it near, Snape was already two steps ahead of him dragging it all out. The next step was to beg and Sirius was not about to stoop to that indignity. Snape's rhythm was slowing to a crawling stop. He would not be able to hold out any more than Sirius would. The only difference between the two was that Snape had the patience that Sirius did not.

The next seconds ticked by slowly. The only movement was the rise and fall of Sirius's chest as he tried to will himself to calm down. Sirius stared blankly at the ceiling his fuzzy thoughts tried to focus on something to pull himself from this haze. Nothing could drag from him the feeling of being filled and being so close to the edge.

"...Please..."

"Say it again."

"Oh gods, please! Do it!"

The plea set him off and Snape pounded deeply into him, sending stars across his vision. Sirius leaned over the table, his fingers clenching and opening in the air as if he were trying to reach something. Snape easily found the spot inside him and he felt as if his entire body was going to simply explode from the sensation. Sirius met him thrust for deep thrust, willing Snape to be pulled over the same edge that was looming so close.

It was finally Snape's release that sent him tumbling blindly into the whiteness. He nearly landed head first into the table, but something caught him before he could hurt himself. Sirius couldn't think or move for several long moments, and before he could register what had happened, he was pressed against Snape. Robe covered arms snaked around him and held him tightly enough to ensure that he didn't fall over.

"Couldn't you just apologize like normal people?" Sirius asked finally, glancing over his shoulder at Snape.

Snape was already unmussed from the exertion, his robes straightened and in their usual pristine state. Snape resumed his grin and shook his head. "You prefer it this way," he commented.

"Whatever," Sirius said brushing it aside for the moment. He turned to face Snape and kissed him hard. "I suppose for now I'll forgive you."

Snape snorted and pulled away returning to his cauldron, which was surprisingly untouched. Previous lessons had obviously shown Snape that he could not be too careful. Sirius collected his clothing and tugged on his pants once again. He undid the tie holding his hair in the braid, as it was a rather unmanageable mess at the moment. He would fix that once he had left.

"Are you going to want something for lunch later?" Sirius asked.

Snape only grunted briefly in response. Sirius just nodded, understanding the lack of response for what it really meant. He turned and left the room as quietly as he had come in.

*

Off the main entranceway into the house was a door leading into the garage. They, of course, had no vehicle and as such Remus decided to convert the space into an office for himself. Remus was not generally the kind of person who enjoyed living off of other people's means. He was also the kind of person who preferred to always have something of
importance to do. After the war there was no longer a need for werewolves who possessed too much knowledge of the dark arts and how to fight them.

Remus turned to the only option available to him at the suggestion of Sirius. As it was too difficult for a werewolf to hold a job, he found a way to be his own boss. Remus turned to his love of books and began to deal in used and rare books. His Muggle background made things easy for him as he took to their technology easily. It was easy enough to arrange for packages to arrive via Muggle post at Arabella's home (since she still lived on Privet Drive.) Remus would drop off shipments once a week and collect all of the new arrivals at the same time. His office was full of books and only a small desk stood in the corner. The desk held his handwritten ledger as well as his computer where he did all of his work. An ancient looking heater also sat under the desk, charmed to not only run without electricity, but to not burn anything of value.

The room was extremely messy and with as many books scattered across the room as there were, it was surprising that Remus was able to find anything in it. He had an excellent memory however and he could remember exactly where he had left anything and everything. The only reason it still took him ten minutes to find something was simply because it was usually buried under several dozen books.

Remus happily spent hours working through orders, setting aside what he would need to ship out the following Tuesday, checking in what had just come in earlier that week. For the most part, neither Sirius nor Snape truly understood how he did everything that he did. They knew that he visited Arabella on Tuesdays with a large stack of books to be sent out. When he returned he usually had more than he had to begin with. It seemed strange to them that Remus seemed to spend more money on purchasing books than he received in selling them.

Remus had attempted to explain what he did once, going into detail about things such as Amazon.com and other such websites. Sirius had replied with a broad grin that he imagined she must have been an attractive woman to keep Remus's interest for so long. Remus refused to explain what he did for a living after that.

The kitchen was in the back of the house and as such, led out into the back yard, which wasn't so much a yard as of a long field surrounded by woods. There were no neighbors for at least 50 miles on any side. They were truly out in the middle of nowhere.

Just out the door, several yards of garden had been laid out by hand. To the right was a series of vegetable plants; tomatoes, cucumbers, beans, and carrots. To the left grew the less pleasant plants. These were frequently used potion ingredients and it was more cost effective to grow them than to continually purchase them.

In the late afternoon, Remus would often spend an hour or two tending the gardens. He had recently decided that they needed to expand their food garden to include some fresh herbs and he began to lay in the ground work to extend the
garden to include the new plants.

With the sun just hitting the trees behind him the weather was perfect, not too hot nor too cold. The sun wouldn't be too bright and he could manage to finish all of his work before dinner. It was often messy work, but it was fulfilling to be able to literally enjoy the fruits of one's labor. Remus had moved outside after several hours of being locked in his office and was ready to enjoy the remainder of a pleasant afternoon.

He placed a small Muggle radio beside him on the ground, and a classic rock station began to play its songs. Remus had a few sets of rosemary and basil that he had been growing in a set of shallow pots. It was a good start for them, but they would grow better and more if he added them to the garden. He would start on a few other herbs after that. There was a
part of him that was contemplating growing more adventurous plants, and he supposed that he should probably start small first and then try bigger projects.

Singing along to the Rolling Stones, Remus put the finishing touches on the herbs that he had been transplanting. There was a sudden roar from the shed where Sirius spent his days. He looked up to see Sirius starting up the latest bike he had refurbished. The former tool shed behind the house had been rearranged to suit Sirius's hobby of tinkering with motor bikes. Occasionally he would take on a commission to complete one for someone, be they Wizard or Muggle. He simply enjoyed the work and would spend hours trying to improve his replacement for his old bike.

The shed sometimes held several bikes in various states of disrepair. It was currently home to the bike that he was working on for a Wizard, complete with flying and invisibility charms. His own bike was properly covered and parked in the shed as well. There were an odd assortment of Muggle and Wizard tools to assist him with his work, littered haphazardly around the shed as well as where he was working in front of it.

Sirius was straddling the bike he was working on, his hands closing gently around the steering handles. The bike under him seemed to purr contently now that it was running properly. It was becoming increasingly difficult not to stare as Sirius had taken off his shirt at some point while he worked and was covered by a light sheen of sweat.

He took the bike for a very short ride around the shed, to ensure that everything was in working order. He would have to take it for a drive through the country side the next day. The longer ride (while completely enjoyable for him) would also help to ensure to him that his client would receive exactly what they would need and he also would not have to fix it again in just a few weeks.

It was a familiar and appreciated sight, the topless pureblood astride his roaring beast. His
blue black hair flew out wildly behind him and for a moment it was easy to forget that he was no longer a young man with the crazed idea of doing nothing more than ride for the rest of his life. By the time Sirius skidded to a halt in front of the shed, Remus was waiting there for him, having reached him without even realizing it.

Sirius grinned broadly. "She'll make Eriksson a very happy man," he said proudly, patting the bike lightly.

"I'm sure she will," Remus said, not really looking at the bike. "I take it you'll probably be off tomorrow trying her out?"

"The sooner, the better. I promised to have this finished in three weeks and it turned into a much bigger project than I thought. I hadn't anticipated having to take apart the engine and buy as many new parts as I did. Eriksson might be all right with waiting for it to run perfectly, but I don't want to make him wait longer than I have to," Sirius said.

Remus took a few steps closer, not really caring what Sirius had to say. It was all Greek to him anyway; he understood the mechanical work that Sirius did no better than Sirius understood how he worked his computer. His fingers were itching to run along his tanned skin and follow where that drop of sweat was falling into his waistline. Sirius was still talking however, and he simply nodded occasionally as if he understood.

Sirius's hand snaked out suddenly, pulling him up against the bike. He leaned in close to whisper in his ear. "Shall I take you for a ride?"

Remus let out a shuddering breath. Sirius was already trailing several sucking bites along his neck. He reached out to drag his fingers down the slick chest in front of him, producing a growl from Sirius. Remus let his head roll back, exposing more of his neck as he began to claw at the tanned chest. The harder his fingers dug into the skin the harsher the bites became.

The werewolf could often be an impatient lover. He would rush through the foreplay wanting to bury himself inside or be filled by his lover. Remus could growl and tear away at restricting clothing in his mad rush to his completion. Currently he was doing just that, popping the button off of Sirius's jeans in his rush to retrieve the prize inside. Sirius had done away with his underwear at some point in the day and Remus vaguely suspected it was because he knew it would come to this.

Sirius cupped Remus's bottom in both hands lifting him onto the bike. Remus straddled the still humming monstrosity and quickly muttered a spell to rid himself of his own pants. It would be too much work to tug them off at this point
and he was too close.

The smell of sweat and motorbike could do nothing to overpower the scent that was simply Sirius. He leaned forward, drinking deeply of that much beloved scent. He was ravenous, capturing Sirius's lips with his own. Remus ground into Sirius roughly and dragging a long moan from the animagus.

"Lean back," Sirius said, pulling away from the kiss. He wrapped his hands around Remus's lower back to hold him steady.

"Gods yes..." he growled, leaning back just enough for Sirius to be able to slam into him to the hilt. Sirius
clamped a fist around his length, using the other hand to pull him forward once again.

Sirius laid several more love bites along Remus's throat, letting Remus set their furious pace. Remus clawed at Sirius's back as the sensations began to boil within him to overflowing. "More...more..." he cried out. Their matched rhythm accelerated that much faster.

It was only a few moments more before everything reached its dazzling peak. Remus came with yet another growl as Sirius dug his teeth into his shoulder. He barely registered that Sirius had climaxed as well, the familiar warmth filling him as he floated in the aftermath.

He slumped against Sirius, nuzzling his shoulder with his nose lightly. He had a rather content smile on his face.

Sirius chuckled a bit at that, shutting the bike off finally. "How do you manage to get any work done?" he teased.

"If you didn't work shirtless all the time, it would be much easier on me," Remus retorted with a hint of a grin.

"I wouldn't want to end up with one of those atrocious 'farmer's tans,'" Sirius scoffed.

"Oh no...of course not," Remus said with his own laugh. "Your vanity would not allow it."

Sirius stuck his tongue out at Remus for that, causing them both to laugh. Sirius leaned back against the seat back that the bike had, allowing them a moment to simply relax together. Remus shifted to a more comfortable position, detaching himself from Sirius long enough to clean them both and put his pants back on; the seat was a bit too warm for his naked bottom.

"We should do something for him," Remus commented once he was comfortable against Sirius once more.

"Huh?" Sirius asked. He had been lulled into a peaceful half doze and had not been expecting Remus to want to talk.

"Severus," Remus explained rolling his eyes. "He has been rather upset about his proposal."

"You're probably right. He's always miserable while they dance around the subject," Sirius said with a faint sigh. "It's not his fault.

After the war, rather than celebrate his work and the effort that he put into protecting everyone they shunned him. They're only afraid of him because of what he can do, which is utter rubbish," Remus said with a shake of his head.

"Since the Ministry dips its hands into everything not even something that is supposed to be as unbiased as a group of
scientists discussing a way to improve Wizarding society, is possible," Sirius answered.

"His work is all that he has left," Remus added.

"Well...not all..."

"No, I suppose you're right. Sometimes I wonder if he forgets that we're still here."

"He can be bloody morose at times."

Remus stretched his arms over his head and finally got up off the bike. "Maybe he should try to put his application in with another country's Hall of Alchemy. If it was people that had no interaction or knowledge of his history, it might work better for him."

"Maybe to America or Canada?" Sirius suggested.

Remus nodded. "We'll have to ask him before dinner."

"It's your turn to cook dinner," Sirius reminded him. He stretched his arms over his head briefly. "I'll need to take a quick shower so that neither of you have any reason to complain about my company."

Remus grinned and shook his head. "So kind of you to offer," he said. "I don't know how anyone could manage to enjoy dinner while being overwhelmed by the scent of sweat and motor oil."

"Well...might be less dinner eating and more-"

"Bloody vain berk. Just for that I should force you to sleep alone on the sofa tonight," Remus said rolling his eyes.

"Lucky for me, you wouldn't do such a thing," Sirius said, flashing a dazzling smile.

"Just watch me," Remus retorted. Before Sirius could offer any more ridiculous comments, Remus returned to the house. He collected the radio and his tools, pausing to leave them on the kitchen counter on his way into the living room. He
intended to select a cookbook from the shelf and then return to the kitchen to put everything to right.

Halfway to the bookshelf he realized however that the crinkling noise was not supposed to come from
the carpet. He stopped and picked up the letter that had been lying on the rug by the fireplace all day long. Remus's eyes widened and he quickly turned to the hallway.

"Severus!"

*

Dinner inevitably was nothing at all like they had planned. A few boxes of take-out sat on the kitchen table while Remus paced impatiently. Upon reading the note, Severus had immediately left to respond to the summons in the letter. The sender had obviously hoped that by sending it through the Floo, it would not be found in time. The letter had come from the Hall of Alchemy and they were obviously more interested in Severus's recent findings than they had shown previously.

"Please stop pacing. You're making me nervous," Sirius said from his spot at the kitchen table. He
put down the box of fried rice that he had been picking at and summoned the tea kettle to the table instead. He refilled Remus's cup and offered it to him.

Remus sighed, but sat down with the cup. "What could possibly be taking them so long?" he asked.

"This is a rather large finding, and they probably have a lot of questions for him," Sirius reasoned.

"It's been over three hours!" Remus insisted. He looked about ready to jump out of his skin.

"Don't you dare stand up," Sirius said. "He'll be back in a bit and you can fret all over him better as soon as he's here."

Remus sighed again, staring into his cup. "What if it doesn't turn out to be a positive discussion? What if they
turn him away again?"

Sirius reached out to put a hand over Remus's wrist lightly. "Then we'll work through it. If we have to leave the
bloody country in order to make it work then we will. One setback isn't going to hurt us. We've been through too much for that to happen."

"I know you're right, but it certainly does nothing to make this wait better," Remus nearly whined.

Sirius smiled fondly at that. "You'll send him into a seizure if he heard you talking like this," he said.

"I wouldn't call it a seizure..." Snape commented coming into the room. He was actually smiling, a true smile that they had rarely seen before. It lit up his dark eyes with an attractive gleam.

Remus was up in a flash and at Snape's side. "What happened? Did everything go all right? Are they going to listen to you?"

"They have accepted my application and they will begin to work with me to properly patent my research," Snape said.

"Oh Severus!" Remus exclaimed happily, throwing his arms around him tightly. "I'm so proud of you. This is wonderful!"

"It's about time they actually listen to you," Sirius agreed with a smile. "It appears that the Ministry has backed off from their...meddling and the Hall has been able to properly review my findings. Within the next few months they will attempt to administer the first round of doses," Snape said.

Remus pulled away, looking up at Snape. "This calls for a celebration. I'll run upstairs. You should come up in just a moment." Remus was rushing out of the room and down the hallway half a moment later.

The remaining pair laughed at Remus's enthusiasm affectionately. Snape turned to Sirius with a raised brow. "Celebration?"

"You certainly deserve a good dose of victory sex for this one," Sirius said with a grin. He stood up and moved to Snape's side. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough."

"Good, I don't want to have to repeat myself too much. We'd already talked about going to the States or Canada if it came to it," Sirius said.

"Thank heavens that was not necessary," Snape said shaking his head briefly.

"You've earned this. They never should have held this up for as long as they did. People that truly needed your potion could have benefited from it," Sirius said.

"The only regret that I have is that it may not be enough. While it will be able to ease and in most ways expedite
the recovery of someone that has had the Cruiciatus Curse inflicted upon them excessively, I cannot be certain that it will assist someone that has been...healing for long periods of time," Snape said.

"As long as it helps someone. If it can prevent another case like Alice and Frank...then everyone will be grateful for it," Sirius said. Sirius slipped his arms around Snape, drawing him slowly closer. He brushed his lips across Snape's cheek and let his forehead come to rest against Snape's. "You've done something really amazing and we're both really proud of you."

Snape returned the embrace lightly. "I have...needed that," he admitted. "I do not believe I would have been as successful if you both had not assisted me as you did."

"Hey, that's what we're here for," Sirius said. He pulled back and took hold of his wrist. "Come on now, we can't keep Remus waiting for too long. He might do something foolish in his excitement."

At the end of the hallway, just past Snape's workroom was the staircase leading to the second floor. This floor held only two rooms, the master bedroom and the master bathroom that was situated on the far side opposite the stairs. Sirius
stopped at the top of the stairs long enough to remove Snape's over robe. Snape headed into the room, more than a little surprised at the work Remus had put into their "celebration."

The room was sparse, save for the oversized bed that they somewhat contently shared. It was extremely difficult to find sheets for and they were forever transfiguring new sheets to fit the transfigured bed. There simply wasn't any bed size that was truly appropriate and Sirius had simply transfigured the king size bed they had attempted to share. He had
placed several permanent charms on it to ensure they did not have any problems with it in the future.

There were not that many more furnishings. There were three dressers opposite the bed. Each was the same style; however the contents differed for each man. The most obvious being Sirius's as clothing hung half out of each of the drawers. There was a single trunk locked and left in the corner of the room. The nightstand held their clock, a lamp, and a few items from their pockets on occasion.

Remus had collected a large assortment of candles and lit them throughout the room. The bed was turned down and a few bottles of pleasant smelling oil were left on the night stand. Remus stood nude at the foot of the bed with a warm smile. The werewolf took several steps forward, reaching out to take Snape's hands into his own.

Sirius was pressed behind him and wrapped his arms around the tall thin body to begin to remove Snape's clothing. It was not often that he was in the center of their shared attention. His first instinct was to tense, but that was calmly and carefully eased away by Remus peppering several sweet kisses to his knuckles.

"You've earned a bit of attention," Sirius said softly, his lips a breath away from his ear. "Leave everything to us."

The last of the tension left him at that and Snape allowed his eyes to close. Sirius removed Snape's over-robe and the shirt he was wearing beneath that. The clothing was tossed to the foot of the bed and forgotten about a moment later. Remus trailed a series of kisses down Snape's chest and came to rest on his knees before him. A faint rush of
warmth struck him with a soft sigh as Remus paused long enough to press his face into Snape's groin, taking in his scent. Remus slowly undid his pants and drew them down with his underwear. Snape stepped out of his shoes and then his pants, still leaning into Sirius's embrace.

Remus pulled Snape forward then to give Sirius the opportunity to take off his own clothing. "Lie down," he said, pushing Snape onto the bed lightly. Snape was arranged on his stomach with his cheek pressed into the mattress. Remus sat by his feet and took up a bottle of lightly scented oil. With sure hands he began to work the muscles of his feet and then up his legs. Sirius took the place by his head and worked from the shoulders down.

It was heavenly to be pampered in such a way. Most of the time shared in this room was either sleeping or keeping one another too preoccupied to sleep. Moments such as this reminded him that this wasn't simply about sex, but something much deeper. Snape was wanted there because of himself.

Snape was content and felt as if he were melting into the featherbed. His heavy lids slipped closed over dark eyes. Sirius was working out the last hints of tension in his fingers. Remus was concentrating momentarily on his hips, teasingly tracing a finger down Snape's bottom. His whole body hummed pleasantly after their careful work. Every touch seemed to draw a content sigh from him. They finally turned him onto his stomach, abandoning aside the oil in favor of lips and teeth.

Remus settled at his head this time, drawing deep sighs and groans as he gently teased his pert nipples to hardness and nipped at his throat. Sirius nipped at the inside of his thighs, occasionally pressing a kiss mark on the pale skin. He was swept up by their steady care, slowly rising with the waves of passion. So complete was his moment of relaxation that he did not realize that he was being pulled up and moved into another position.

Fingers slipped into him, gently stretching and brushing against his prostate. He arched back to meet each brush wanting to draw all of that delicious feeling into himself. The fingers were gone for a moment and Snape let out a faint cry of distress. As quickly as they vanished they were replaced and the world seemed to settle properly upon its axis.
His oil slicked back rubbed perfectly against a hard chest and he let his head fall back contently.

"Gods..." Snape sighed out, reaching around and digging his fingers into blue black hair. His eyes opened to thin slits as Remus crawled across the bed to him. His lightly tanned hands ran their way up his thighs, to his chest and came to rest deep within his inky black hair. Snape groaned as Remus latched onto his neck with his lips and teeth.

"Sirius has been a bit enthusiastic today, I think," Remus commented, running his hands up Snape's chest slowly.

Snape was up on his knees on the bed, being held up by the combined effort of Sirius and Remus. Sirius's large hands traced across his abdomen and he started rocking into him in a slow rhythm. Sirius's body seemed to fit perfectly to Snape's wrapping around him tightly. Remus knelt in front of him and matched that fit to his chest, locking lips with him and stealing his sounds of pleasure. Remus matched their pace, grinding length against length.

The dual assault was incredible and it became impossible for them to remain at that slow pace for long. There were lips on his throat, his chest, his face. Fingers dug into his skin and played his body like an instrument. Snape's groans and panted breath grew frantic and quick. It was all too much for him finally and he spiraled into his release becoming limp between them.

There was a briefly fuzzy moment where it appeared they also shared a release and then they were lowering him down to the bed. Snape felt more sated than he could have remembered feeling in the past. Sirius and Remus curled up against him and he smiled faintly.

"Congratulations, Severus."

The bed contained three very different people. Despite these differences they had made a life together. They lived together in this house and found a way to work smoothly with one another. It was hardly perfect, but it was enough.

OMG I write for fandoms other than Harry Potter!

2006-12-10T23:42:30Z

This was a Christmas gift from the lj community tsukimineshrine secret Santa swap. I almost never write fics like this, so it was refreshing and a good way to stretch myself in new ways. I hope that it captured the right feel for Card Captor Sakura.

Title: Christmas Sweets
Author: Rain ( mynameissirius )
For: aoife_hime
Word Count: 863
Summary: Keroberos learns an important lesson about too many Christmas
sweets.
Authors Note: I'm very sorry aoife_hime that this was not the exact request, but I hope that it will be enjoyed nonetheless. Sometimes my imagination gets a bit carried away. ^_^ Please excuse my lack of beta.

Christmas-time! Christmas-time! Such a wonderful holiday! The miniature guardian hummed happily to himself as he collected his 30th Christmas cookie from the plate in front of him. Sakura had been baking all day long trying to determine what exactly would be the best fit to a sweets box that she wanted to send to China for the brat. Kero for once didn't seem to mind that Sakura was making extra effort to do something for Syaoran, not with the benefit of being able to eat all of the extras!

Sakura put the finishing touches on the box, ensuring that it was taped up as best as possible before starting on the leftovers. Kero tilted his head to the side and blinked in confusion at Sakura's next move. "What're you doing now, Sakura-chan?" he asked.

"I'm going to send some of the leftovers to Eriol-kun and the others," Sakura said with a smile. "Not even you could eat all of this!"

Kero bristled at the notion that his rival would have his grubby little paws on his sweets. He hopped up quickly from his spot on the kitchen counter and tried to cover a plate of fudge. "You can't send this to him!" Kero said instantly.

Sakura laughed. "I'll save you as much as you want, Kero-chan! But don't forget that it's Christmas and we can't be too greedy," she said.

To prove that Kero had no intention of allowing such a blasphemy to happen, Kero immediately began to shovel pieces of fudge into his mouth. His cheeks popped out like a chipmunk, ruining the effect of the glare that he gave Sakura in warning.

"Kero-chan!" Sakura huffed, putting her hands on her hips. "That's awful! If you eat all of those you're going to get sick!"

"Nuff uh!" Kero attempted to say, spraying bits of fudge back onto the plate and the kitchen counter. Thankfully he gulped down what was in his mouth before he could spray anymore chocolate everywhere.

"No more sugar for you," Sakura insisted, pulling the plate of fudge away. "You're going to be too fat to be of much use if you keep eating like that."

Kero's eyes widened and he gapped at Sakura. He looked down at his pudgy belly and then back at Sakura. "I'm not fat!" he insisted.

Sakura just shook her head. "I'll finish this up and then be upstairs. Why don't you just head up to bed?"

The fluffy guardian sighed. "Okay, Sakura-chan," he said before turning and going up to Sakura's room. Once he was in the safety of the room, he plopped down in the middle of the room, crossing his arms across his chest.

"How dare she say that! I'm not fat!" Kero muttered. "I'm a great guardian. The only one that's going to get fat is that stupid Supi!"

A wide yawn stopped what would have been an extremely long tirade. Kero hopped up and headed to his drawer. "Tired. I spent all day playing video games while Sakura-chan was at school," he said before plopping down on his doll bed. Kero's ability to bounce from one mood to the next could be enviable since he was out cold within seconds.

**

"You're going to be too fat to be of much use if you keep eating like that."

Keroberos was not fat. He was an amazing guardian. To prove it, the small pile of fluff transformed into his true form and attempted to fly. However there was a small problem. The winged lion looked down only to notice that his stomach was touching the ground and he could not manage to lift himself off the ground.

"AHHH!" Keroberos yelped, trying in vain to flap his wings and lift himself from the ground.

"HA-HA! Keroberos!"

Keroberos looked up to see Supinel flying over his head with a grin. The dark guardian laughed maniacally in obvious amusement at Kero's current state.

"Stop laughing!" Keroberos yelled glaring angrily at Supinel. He strained to lift himself from the ground once again.

Supinel certainly did not stop his laughing. "Keroberos is too fat to fight! Too fat to fly!" he taunted childishly. "The only thing that Keroberos is good at is eating!"

As if to prove his point, piles of sweets began to form around Keroberos. He sputtered and was barely given the chance to prove otherwise when the food shot itself into his mouth. Keroberos fell onto his side and tried to spit out the food that continued to pelt him.

"AHHH! I don't wanna be fat! I don't wanna be fat!" Keroberos yelled.

"Kero-chan!"

**

"Kero-chan!"

Kero woke with a start, realizing that he had his pillow in his mouth. He spat it out quickly and looked up to see Sakura looking down at him worriedly.

"Are you all right, Kero-chan? Did you have a bad dream?" she asked worriedly.

Kero sat up and rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Sorry, Sakura-chan. I don't think I want any more Christmas sweets this year."

Sakura blinked and tilted her head to the side. "Really? Why not?"

Kero shook his head and plopped back down on his bed. "I'm going on a diet."

Wicked Game- Part 2: Nobody Loves No One

2006-12-05T00:58:40Z

Title: Wicked Game
Author: Rain ( lj user=mynameissirius )
Pairing: Snape/Black
Rating: R (mildly graphic descriptions of smuttiness)
Summary: AU. Severus Snape is a talented spy with only one goal in mind. Sirius Black is a wrench into his plans and he will not stand for it.
Authors Note: Thank you muchly to my wonderful beta, asrai99. You're pretty much the coolest thing since sliced bread.

Part 2: Nobody Loves No One

It would be exactly two years, three months, seven days and five hours before he would be able to make it through a day without hearing the name of Sirius Black. There were no longer any insipid reports about the infamous Hallowe’en of 1981 of the Daily Prophet. There were no victory remarks and no further hero tales to be told. Finally there was peace, and most importantly the much desired quiet.

The illustrious Potions master was cleared of any possible prosecution and resumed working in the comfort of his dungeon. As the days and months ticked on Severus slowly shifted inwards, becoming oddly quiet and unsociable. He had never truly been open or in some cases polite to many of the people at the school, but he was now suddenly only seen during classes or while eating meals. The teachers stopped offering him invitations to tea or other simple conversations. No one could truly comprehend the sudden change and no one was able to find out the answer themselves as he gave no one the opportunity to get close enough to ask.

Severus would never admit to any kind of change, even to himself. He was often watched deep in thought staring over the Great Hall at meals. Was there some strange ghost of the past that had caught his attention? Or were the students correct in assuming that he was not truly there?

Severus remained the same in the classroom and the students felt his wrath at their failings and his sarcasm at their success. When speaking to anyone, there was no change in how he spoke to anyone, he simply spoke to them less.

Most people assumed that Snape was simply happy to have the entire affair of war and spying over and done with. It wasn’t as if Snape had ever been a friendly person in the first place.

**

“Don’t get yourself killed.”

It was so ingrained in his mind that he had long since forgotten who had said it to him. It had been exactly seven years, five months, thirteen days, eight hours and fifty-nine minutes since he had heard it spoke to him last. It was fuzzy and he attributed it to a previous problem with alcohol.

He was painfully careful now in all that he did. He found solace in research and began to experiment and create new potions that brought forth accolades from other peers in his field. These came about quietly and he gladly focused on this new purpose. It was what he claimed to be the reason for his not leaving the sanctuary of the school and dungeons, despite it being spawned from an unknown subconscious fear.

Severus needed only his cauldron and research to be content with his current life. He had settled into the routine of teaching and research with ease. This was comfortable. The only person that he needed to answer to was the Headmaster, and that hardly seemed important as the old man never bothered him. Dumbledore seemed thrilled that he was doing so well and did not bother him because of it.

It would not be all that difficult for him to live out the rest of his days in this manner.

**

When the sun went down, his carefully built up walls of security came crashing down. It was in his dreams that all peace shattered. His dreams plagued him night after night. There were nights that he was tortured with thoughts of a shared bed and arousal that he could never replicate in his waking life. Other nights he would be forced to remain unable to move as a pair of shining grey eyes bore into him. There were no words from the other man, but his own cries of anguish and guilt would rouse him to wakefulness with a clammy hand of fear around his heart.

He had tried every kind of sleeping potion and spell known to Wizarding kind. They would work for several months and finally his body would work around them. Every few months he would need to find a new source of peace. He tried everything, save taking up drinking himself into oblivion. He would never touch alcohol again. Not after the trouble it had once caused him.

It had been ten years, three months, eighteen days, twenty-three hours, and fourteen minutes since he had been able to have a night’s rest without these dreams interrupting his peace. Now there was something new weighing down on him. With the new Defense teacher came an unwanted guest, one that he had been able to hide his knowledge of. He could not allow Voldemort to return. It would ruin everything. Severus had worked hard to bring his life to where it was at that moment, and he did not want to see that come crashing down around him.

With a bit of perseverance, not even the Boy Who Lived would be able to ruin the life that he had made for himself.

**

There was no longer any way for him to for him to feign a lack of knowledge. No one would believe him. After the incident in the Chamber of Secrets the previous year, there would be no way for him to deny the inevitable. The peace that he worked for was easily being torn away and he would need to make every effort to ensure that it would not be his downfall. He was well aware that it would be only a short amount of time now before he would be called into “service” once again. There was no longer any enjoyment in that thought.

There was also another dangerous dilemma. He had not been successful. The blasted man had escaped his fate and had eluded his attempts to put him away again. He was crazy, ignorant of everything but his goal. The convict desperate to prove his innocence did not seem to care if he hurt friend or foe.

Severus had been with the Aurors, escorting him to the tower cell. He felt an icy hand close around him as he heard those words slip from those same lips once again.

“I’m glad that you took me seriously. Don’t forget. Don’t get yourself killed.”

The Aurors had simply thought that it was the ranting of a madman. It certainly made no sense in the situation that he was in. Only Severus had known the true meaning of the words. He had locked himself in his dungeon hours later unable to breathe. He could not sleep. Every time Severus shut eyes he could see him and what they had once done.

He was going mad. Severus was hardly the kind of person to admit that sort of thing, but as time moved forward from that moment he began to realize that he was slowly losing grasp of his hold on his life. Everything was spiraling dangerously and he could not begin to know how to bring it to a halt. Severus allowed himself only a brief moment of fear; fear that he would never be able to right his life again. It had been thirteen years, ten months, five days, six hours, and nine minutes since his life had truly changed.

It took all of the effort and will power that he had to ensure that his impassive mask was firmly in place. He could not for a moment show the strain that was suddenly bearing down on him like a heavy chain around his neck.

Wicked Game - Part 1: Strange What Desire

2006-10-28T18:02:44Z

Edit as of December 4, 2006: This is a recently editted version of my first chapter of my WIP fic Wicked Game. I thank deeply from the bottom of my heart, asrai99 for beta-ing my fic for me. She really helped me out of the rut that I was in with some of this. Stuff I hadn't really noticed before.

Title: Wicked Game
Author: Rain
Pairing: Snape/Black
Rating: R (mildly graphic descriptions of smuttiness)

Part 1: Strange What Desire

It’s difficult to say what exactly brings about a change in a person. It is often too difficult for the person in question to truly see what it was that made that change. It takes a great deal of hindsight to even begin to scratch the surface of what makes the change. Sometimes even then the person can be too stubborn to see the truth.

In the case of Severus Snape, this particular change in his life was one that he would rather not question at all. One moment there was a steady routine and consistent requirements to ensure that life continued on. Next everything stopped and it was like a train wreck that threw a wrench in his life. There was a blind spot in his judgment and he could not find a way to properly see what lay in that hole.

In 1980, Severus was a spy and a rather talented one if he did say so himself. He skated along the edge of danger and felt the thrill of accomplishment with each small success. His superiors fanned the flame of his ego with each successful mission completed. He was quickly being elevated to a rank of value and respect. The swell of glory made him push forward each step just a bit harder than the last to ensure that there would only be victory in the future.

The war was dragging on painfully for those who claimed to fight for the Light. They did not see that they were being systematically brought to their knees. At this time the Dark Lord was an excellent strategist. He was cunning and his plans were deeply rooted with deceit after deceit. Severus could easily see the layout of both sides of the board. He watched as each piece fell into their carefully calculated place and it was only a matter of time before it all came crashing down around them. The members of the Order would not know what was happening to them. They would not be able to defend themselves.

Severus was an intelligent man, and he knew what to do in order to survive. That had always been his main concern, survival. First it had been to survive at home, then at school, now he would survive beyond this war and he would remain on the victorious side (regardless of what side that would be.) Once the dust had settled and there was nothing else expected of him, he would have everything that he could ever possibly want. He would have his glory, and he would prove to the world that he was not the worthless man that they wanted to believe he was.

All of that came to a crashing halt suddenly and he could not even begin to comprehend what exactly he was doing any longer. What made him say yes to the first drink? Or the third or the fourth? How was it that he was the one that was gone to when the idiot had died? It was not as if he had been the one to direct his brother to be put to death. Furthermore, what led them to that bed and why was he still in it? Why was he unable to pull himself away from the warmth of the body beside him?

There had been tears, even before the alcohol. Perhaps that was what had thrown him off. The sound of pained sobs was something that he had never dreamed would come from this man. There had been pleas for information, information that only he could give. Severus had listened to him talk, talk for hours it seemed as they emptied the bottle of amber liquid. Such personal information had never been expressed in his presence before. He had never believed there to be that much depth in the man. A barrier between them was suddenly dissolved.

Who had reached for whom first? There was no way of knowing. All Severus could state was that there had been some kind of healing done on that bed, though he could not see how much of it had been shared healing. The two men had lain entwined with one another and helped ease the pain and loss.

Now it was morning and Severus knew that he had to leave. He could not stay there and risk the chance of him waking. There would be questions, attempted polite conversation when it should never happen. No, he had to leave before it could become anything more than the whole affair already was. He pulled himself slowly from the bed, the warmth, and the flash of memory that nearly made him blush from head to toe with a desire to return to the previous night once again. His clothing had been tossed haphazardly across the room and he made the effort to collect everything as quickly as possible.

Severus had nearly succeeded in his escape as he replaced his shoes on his feet, when he heard the sound of sheets moving and came face to face with a pair of grey eyes that froze him in his tracks.

“Before you leave…” he began softly. “I want you to know that I know what you’re doing. I swear that I will never tell anyone. Just don’t get yourself killed.”

He gaped for several moments before straightening and turning on his heel to leave. What in the world was that supposed to mean? What did he think he knew? He could not possibly know that he had no desire to truly help the Order. There was a swirl of questions and all of them had no apparent answer. He was more confused then he could recall ever feeling in his entire life. This was more than just something as simple as a difficult transfiguration assignment. There was an answer at the end of the assignment, but in this case he feared that he would never find the answer.

*

The next time they met was several weeks later. He was going to report to an Order member his latest findings as he himself could not be gone from the Dark Lord’s fortress long enough to report them himself. At least that was what he had told the old fool in the castle. To say that Severus was ready to see him would have been a lie. In fact, he was the last person that he had expected to come to him for the information.

They did not mention their previous encounter. The other wizard was all business and managed to repeat all of the information perfectly after hearing it only once. Severus knew that he did not want to have to stay longer than necessary and he stood before anything further could be said. He grabbed him before he could move however. A hand on his wrist and a tug turned him back to the dark haired youth in a motion too quick for him to stop.

“I’m glad that you took me seriously,” he said with the hint of a grin tugging at his lips.

Severus could not stop himself from staring at those lips especially when they suddenly descended upon his own for a deep kiss. Just when he thought he might fall over from a lack of air, the other man pulled away and cupped Severus’s cheek for just a moment.

“Don’t forget. Don’t get yourself killed,” he said, pulling away and leaving Severus to stare at the spot he had just vacated in confusion.

*

There were three other meetings after this, each of them suddenly ending with them entwined together. Only on the last occasion did they manage to make it to a bedroom. He held Severus long after their passion had been spent. He floated in a hazy mostly asleep state, while the other man continued to whisper, “Don’t get yourself killed.”

Such encounters left Severus completely off balance. He was suddenly finding it difficult to function properly. Work that was normally completed with ease was suddenly exploding in his face. The strangest things brought on deep contemplation of their time together. His breath quickened and he was suddenly so deep in his memories of the incident that everything around him faded into the sharp shapes of memory. Severus was alone with that cursed fool in a world of sensations. The feeling of hands ghosting along his body, a breathy voice urging him on, sometimes the memory alone was powerful enough to bring him to completion. He would always be infuriated and painfully embarrassed that something of this nature could affect him so powerfully.

There were times when he felt as if he could hear him repeating over and over in his ear that now unforgettable mantra. It slipped into his unconscious life and he found that it was the only thing that slipped past his usual defenses. Upon finding it, the Dark Lord had actually laughed at him and sent him on his way without a care. The Dark Lord appeared to feel no reason not to trust someone that was so obviously “paranoid.”

He knew that he had to bring a stop to the madness. It could not continue. He could not continue to live in such a manner. Every day he found that he hated himself more because of it. Severus could not understand how he could allow that man to effect him in this manner. It was impossible. It was inconceivable. This hatred grew in him almost as much as the strange desire. As the days ticked by he found that he was beginning to think only of how to end it. How could he destroy this before it consumed his soul?

Severus had decided that he would seek him out. He would find him and end it in whatever manner was necessary. He would go that very night and he would bring an end to it all.

It was Fate that handed him an appropriate way to correct the situation.

*

“You must have known about him,” Dumbledore insisted.

“I certainly did not. I do not pretend to hold so strong a sway in the Dark Lord’s court to know all of his servants,” Severus said. Inside he felt a deep satisfied well of pleasure filling him. It poured its blackness over his mind and was a balm to the sudden sharp pain that had filled him upon learning of the events following the fall of Voldemort.

This was what he told himself he wanted, no needed. This would be his peace and would keep at bay the strange obsessive thoughts that claimed his mind before. It threatened everything. It would destroy his plan. Sirius claimed to know his secret. He would never be able to survive if he was still alive. It did not matter that he knew the truth. It did not matter that he was condemning an innocent man. He would have peace. Severus Snape would no longer be controlled by any man.

Sirius Black was now dead to him.

mynameissirius @ 2006-09-21T14:12:00

2006-09-21T17:38:29Z

EDIT: I have corrected the glaring and silly mistake of copying the story into this post twice.

Title: Strange What Desire
Pairing: Sirius/Snape
Rating: R (Mentions of off screen smuttiness)

Summary: This is intended to be the first part in a series of fics in this happy new universe.

Strange What Desire

It's difficult to say what exactly brings about a change in a person.
It is often too difficult for the person in question to truly see what
it was that made that change. It takes a great deal of hind sight to
even begin to scratch the surface of what makes the change. Sometimes
even then the person can be too stubborn to see the truth.

In the case of Severus Snape, this change in his life was one that he
would rather not question at all. One moment there was a steady routine
and consistent requirements to ensure that life continued on. The next
everything stopped and it was like a train wreck that threw a wrench in
his life. There was a blind spot in his judgment and he could not find
a way to properly see what lied in that hole.

In 1980, Severus was a spy and a rather strong one if he did say so
himself. He skated along the edge of danger and felt the thrill of
accomplishment with each small success. His superiors fanned the flame
of his ego with each successful mission completed. He was quickly being
elevated to a rank of value and respect. The swell of glory made him
push forward each step just a bit harder than the last to ensure that
there would only be victory in the future.

All of that came to a crashing halt suddenly and he could not even begin
to comprehend what exactly he was doing any longer. What made him say
yes to the first drink? Or the third or the fourth? How was it that he
was the one that was gone to when the idiot had died? What lead them to
that bed and why was he still in it? Why was he unable to pull himself
away from the warmth of the body beside him?

There had been tears, even before the alcohol. Perhaps that was what
had thrown him off. The sound of pained sobs was something that he had
never dreamed would come from this man. There had been pleas for
information, information that only he could give. Severus had listened
to him talk, talk for hours it seemed as they emptied the bottle of
amber liquid. Such personal information had never been expressed in his
presence before. He had never believed there to be that much depth in
the man. A barrier between them was suddenly dissolved.

Who had reached for whom first? There was no way of knowing. All
Severus could state was that there had been some kind of healing done on
that bed, though he could not see how much of it had been shared
healing. The two men had lain entwined with one another and helped ease
the pain and loss.

Now it was the next day and Severus knew that he had to leave. He could
not stay there and risk the chance of him waking. There would be
questions, attempted polite conversation when it should never happen.
No, he had to leave before it could become anything more than it already
was. He pulled himself slowly from the bed, the warmth, and the flash
of memory that nearly made him blush from head to toe with a desire to
return to the previous night once again. His clothing was tossed
haphazardly across the room and he made the effort to collect everything
as quickly as possible.

Severus had nearly succeeded in his escape as he replaced his shoes on
his feet, when he heard the sound of sheets moving and came face to face
with a pair of grey eyes that froze him in his tracks.

"Before you leave..." he began softly. "I want you to know that I know
what you're doing. I swear that I will never tell anyone. Just don't
get yourself killed."

He gapped for several moments before straightening and turning on his
heel to leave. What in the world was that supposed to mean? What did
he think he knew? There was a swirl of questions and all of them had no
apparent answer. He was more confused then he could recall ever feeling
in his entire life. This was more than just something as simple as a
difficult transfiguration assignment. There was an answer at the end of
the assignment, but in this case he feared that he would never find the
answer.

*

The next time they met was several weeks later. He was going to report
to an Order member his latest findings as he himself could not be gone
from the fortress long enough to report them himself. At least that was
what he had informed the old fool in the castle. To say that Severus
was ready to see him would have been a lie. In fact, he was the last
person that he had expected to come to him for the information.

They did not mention their previous encounter. He was all business and
managed to repeat all of the information perfectly after hearing it only
once. Severus knew that he did not want to have to stay longer than
necessary and he stood before anything further could be said. He
grabbed him before he could move however. A hand on his wrist and a tug
turned him back to the dark haired youth in a motion too quick for him
to stop.

"I'm glad that you took me seriously," he said the hint of a grin
tugging at his lips.

Severus could not stop himself from staring at those lips especially
when they suddenly descended upon his own for a deep kiss. Just when he
thought he might fall over from a lack of air, he pulled away and cupped
Severus's cheek for just a moment.

"Don't forget. Don't get yourself killed," he said, pulling away and
leaving Severus to stare at the spot he just vacated in confusion.

*

There were three other meetings after this, each of them suddenly ending
with them entwined together. Only on the last occasion did they manage
to make it to a bedroom. He held Severus long after their passion had
been spent. He floated in a hazy mostly asleep state, while the other
man continued to whisper, "Don't get yourself killed."

Such encounters left Severus completely off balance. He was suddenly
finding it difficult to function properly. Work that was normally
completed with ease was suddenly exploding in his face. The strangest
things brought on deep contemplation of their time together. His breath
quickened and he was suddenly so deep in his memories of the incident
that he was no longer where he stood. Severus was alone with him in a
world of sensations. The feeling of hands ghosting along his body, a
breathy voice urging him on, sometimes the memory alone was powerful
enough to bring him to completion. He would always be infuriated and
painfully embarrassed that something of this nature could affect him so
powerfully.

There were times when he felt as if he could hear him repeating over and
over in his ear that now unforgettable mantra. It slipped into his
unconscious life and he found that it was the only thing that slipped
past his usual defenses. Upon finding it, the Dark Lord had actually
laughed at him and sent him on his way without a care. The Dark Lord
appeared to feel no reason not to trust someone that was so obviously
"paranoid."

He knew that he had to bring a stop to the madness. It could not
continue. He could not continue to live in such a manner. Severus had
decided that he would seek him out. He would find him and end it in
whatever manner was necessary. He would go that very night and he would
bring an end to it all.

It was Fate that handed him an appropriate way to correct the situation.

*

"You must have known about him," Dumbledore insisted.

"I certainly did not. I do not pretend to hold so strong a sway in the
Dark Lord's court to know all of his servants," Severus said. Inside he
felt a deep satisfied well of pleasure filling him. It poured its
blackness over his mind and was a balm to the sudden sharp pain that had
filled him upon learning of the sudden demise of Voldemort and the
events surrounding it.

This was what he told himself he wanted. This is what he claimed to
need. This would be his peace and would keep at bay the strange
obsessive thoughts that had claimed his mind before. Severus knew that
he would be able to return to a sense of normalcy once this was done
away. It didn't matter that he knew the truth. It didn't matter that
he was condemning an innocent man. He would have peace. He would have
his life lived as he would wish it to be lived. Severus Snape would no
longer be controlled by any man.

Sirius Black was now dead to him.

mynameissirius @ 2006-08-21T15:34:00

2006-08-21T19:00:18Z

This is my first Snack Fic ever. So...hopeful it's not too terrible.

Normal Day

The glasses on his nose slipped down just a fraction, but he did not notice
as he was so engrossed in his reading. Fingers itched to reach over and
push the frames back to their proper place. There was something all
together appealing about that bookish look and he barely contained himself
while he sat there watching.

"Are you only going to stare?"

That broke him from his revere and he cleared his throat in embarrassment.
"Well...you weren't supposed to notice," Sirius said before standing up and
going across the small space between them.

"It is difficult to miss that look in your eyes. You would think I was some
sort of desert for a starving man," Severus commented with a hint of a grin
at the corner of his lips.

Sirius climbed onto the sofa, straddling Severus's lap and resting his hands
on the back of the sofa. "I have been a bit...hungry. Perhaps...you could
assist me with that..." He trailed off bringing his lips just a breath away
from Severus's. He waited until the breath seemed to catch in Severus's
throat, causing the young man's eyes to involuntarily close in anticipation.
He ghosted his lips across his face, reverently kissing his eyelids and then
down to trace his lips across the shell of his ear.

"You...are certainly...taking...oh...your time...today..." Severus breathed.
His pulse was pounding madly in his ears and yet his head still felt light
as if there was not enough blood there.

"I want to savor this. Savor you," Sirius said, breathing the words into
Severus's ear softly.

His lips continued to trail along his throat and face, teasingly avoiding
the lips that practically begged to be kissed. Sirius slowly began the
process of unbuttoning the dress shirt, one button at a time. Once the last
button was loosed, he pushed aside the material slowly letting his fingers
drag across the skin of his chest. A soft moan was heard in response and
Sirius knew that his ministrations were appreciated.

The book he had been holding slid to the floor with a small thud. His head
rolled back against the sofa when Sirius's lips focused on the small nubs on
his chest. Before he could notice the change in orientation, Sirius had him
laid out across the sofa. Every touch was soft, a slow burn that was
welling up inside of him. He didn't notice that Sirius had managed to strip
them both until there was the sudden contact of skin against skin as Sirius
settled himself between his suddenly open legs.

The dark head tossed restlessly as Sirius slowly drove him beyond the
capability of thought and into the realm of touch alone. The wild abandoned
look in his half lidded eyes was intoxicating. Sirius continued with his
just barely there touches, watching Severus come undone. A grazing touch
across one nipple caused a faint groan. A hint of tongue along his inner
thigh brought a low moan. He didn't stay focused on one place for too long,
all the while avoiding where it would set Severus off the most. He wasn't
ready for it to end soon. He wanted the moment to last as long as possible.

Severus's breath became erratic and the moan almost constant now. Hair
sprayed across the pale material of the sofa in a striking contrast. His
hands opened and closed weakly where they hung, one off the side of the sofa
and the other just over his head, trying to grasp for something that could
not be named at that moment. The world had focused itself to the feel of
calloused fingers and slightly chapped lips across his flesh.

"Sirius...Si...ri...us..."

Now. The change was obvious and he knew that he could no longer wait
himself. That completing feeling, it had to be at that moment. Fast, with
practiced ease, he readied himself and began to slowly draw them together
completely. There was a loud moan, a beautiful mixture of two voices.
Sirius was sheathed in him to the hilt and Severus's legs automatically
wrapped around him.

The waves came slowly at first, as they met one another in perfect time.
The riptide that pulled them grew stronger and stronger. They clung to one
another tightly, arching to capture the other's lips. Both men moaning and
calling desperately for one another. The last wave came, taking them both
under in one fell swoop.

There was only white for a long moment. With later thought, Severus would
acknowledge that he could understand why people could believe this act to be
a religious experience. He never felt clearer, as if the world was laid out
for him and in that instant he believed that he could almost see inside the
man that held him. He'd never wanted to go this far, he hadn't wanted to
lose himself this much. Now, he could not bear to lose this feeling.

In that moment he knew the feels that the other man held for him. He could
see them, taste them, feel them. It was enough that he knew that Sirius
could see inside of him as well. He saw the bumps and the cracks and still
loved it all. Neither man was truly whole, but it didn't matter because
they could fill each other perfectly and then it didn't matter.

It was several minutes later that Sirius came back to himself, he could feel
the comforting light strokes of fingers running through his hair. He let
out a small contented sigh. Predictably it was only to the count of ten
before Sirius pulled back and unstuck himself from his comfortable position.
He scrunched his nose distastefully.

"We're dirty, Sev," Sirius said with a rather pained look.

"Naturally. You do know the mechanics of this particular act. It is the
same every time we do this," Severus said with a smirk.

Sirius grumbled at Severus's cheek and pulled away, separating them finally.
Severus gasped softly at the sudden emptiness, but Sirius was gone, rushing
to the bathroom to alleviate his problem. Severus stretched and slowly
followed Sirius into the bathroom. The room was already filling with the
faint fog of steam as Sirius scrubbed the "dirt" from his body.

It had been a bit of an amusing note while they were younger and still in
school. The easiest way to get a rile out of Sirius Black was to cover him
in dirt. Mud usually worked best and he had the strangest obsessive
compulsion against becoming dirty in any manner. Now many years later,
Sirius had only become worse though it was now attributed to more than just
a vain desire to look attractive at all times. No, now Sirius Black was
afraid to be dirty as it reminded him too much of the "dirty" period of his
life. Twelve years of Azkaban seemed to have only renewed his desire to
stay as clean as possible.

Severus slipped into the shower stall behind Sirius, turning the slightly
taller man to face him. He retrieved the washcloth that Sirius had been
using and finished wiping away the remains of their passion from his skin.
Once that was finished, Sirius finally relaxed against the tile as Severus's
hands turned from cleaning to teasing.

It was several enjoyable minutes before they stepped from the shower.
Sirius offered Severus a towel and headed back to the small sitting room to
collect his clothing. Severus remained in the bathroom a few moments to
attempt to brush through his hair before joining Sirius in collecting their
garments. He glanced at the book that was on the floor and sighed.

"You had to interrupt me. You realize that I couldn't even mark my page,"
he said, though the hint of grin clearly stated that he wasn't as annoyed as
he sounded.

"Don't worry, I know what page you were on," Sirius retorted with a smirk.
He picked up the book and opened it to the correct page. "I know how you
are. I made certain to remember the page number."

Snape took the book with an arched brow. After a brief glance, he knew that
Sirius had been right. "Am I able to read now or do you intend to paw at me
once again?" he asked.

Sirius's smirk widened. "Oh...I suppose I could leave you be for a short
while. I'll just find someone else to terrorize for a while."

Severus simply rolled his eyes, as he marked his place before tugging his
pants back on. It took a few moments for him to find his glasses, Sirius
handed them to him before he could become upset. Once he had returned to
some semblance of his previous state he sat back down to resume his reading.
Sirius gave him a rough shove to the end of the sofa and before Severus
could make a scathing remark about not being an animal for him to wrestle
with, Sirius settled his head in his lap.

Severus simply sighed and resumed his reading. It was simply another normal
day.

Comments are of course always welcome.

MY MOONSHINE UPDATE

2006-01-29T18:15:08Z

For anyone that's been following along with My Moonshine, we've updated finally. I should hopefully be able to get better about these updates in the future. Cross your fingers. There's been three different part updates. Please excuse the fact that I haven't been able to properly link them all together just yet. They're all there on our community journal.

We love comments. ^___^

Spring Social - Second Year

And if you haven't had a change to read the beginning of this nonsensical soap opera epic that we've started to post, then start here:
Platform 9 3/4 - First Year

mynameissirius @ 2005-11-27T00:32:00

2005-11-27T05:31:04Z

Once again (the blue moon is here) I've managed to add a bit more to My Moonshine! Hoorah! It's rather short compared to previous posts. We need to make sure that we're not missing too much in the next part. Some of the older parts of this story is actually scattered across two computers. ><

Anywho...click link.

( Christmas at Hogwarts )

MY MOONSHINE UPDATE

2005-10-21T22:34:05Z

For those of you who may or may not be aware, my writing partner and I have a community with our epic long soap opera RL/SB fic. We've been terribly behind on updating things, but hopefully someone will be kind enough to keep the fire under our bottoms. -hint hint-

To start at the beginning I recommend you go straight to MY_MOONSHINE
To start at the newest update in Second Year go here!

mynameissirius @ 2005-10-20T00:25:00

2005-10-20T04:25:16Z

This is most likely the most unusual thing I've had the inspiration to write. It's rather open ended forgive me. It is also something from a future of my_moonshine that will hopefully not be written at all within the next year. I don't know what it all truly means, but it was deep and I thought it good enough to share. Excuse it's complete LACK of beta. I just finished writing this a mere 2 minutes ago.

Father is like a ghost now, Uncle. Sometimes I think I can truly see through him. It scares me.

How did he outlive Daddy? It’s not that I don’t doubt that he loved him, it’s…why would he want to live on?

**

Sometimes they speak in hushed voices around me, as if expecting me to suddenly break. It is bothersome that they do not even bother to hide the fact that they’re twittering frantically about me as if I am not even here. I suppose it is worse that even my own children act this way.

It has been exactly two months, seven days, ten hours and thirty-nine minutes since it happened and I will count the minutes until it comes my turn. They all cannot understand why I am even here. My potion was perfect and we’ve been bonded completely since that day. I suppose one could say we’ve always been an exception to the rule.

The idea had originally been for me to be someone with whom Regulus could easily relate to. Shared experiences can bring comfort. I grudgingly agreed, but I believe it was because I needed someone to talk to even if I did not acknowledge the fact at the time. Hindsight is always perfect they say. That first night was…I do not believe there is a proper word to describe it. A part of me, perhaps the child that had always longed for a true companion, was overjoyed because there was indeed someone eager to talk to me. Regulus did not look down on me or show any sign of disgust after that initial explanation. He looked at me as an equal, or perhaps someone he could admire. Admiration was something I had never received. Ever. I suppose I can understand why those idiots kept their little rat around for so long.

Of course the rest is well known by now. Regulus did indeed do a great deal of the…wooing if you should choose to call it that. I believe it is far easier to say that he did nothing at all but be himself and it can hardly be faulted on my part if that was more than enough to convince me that I needed to stay. It took less then that for some of the idiots that have followed him blindly through the years.

I love him so completely that it has become part of myself. I would not be the man I am today if I did not love him. I am loathed to consider what kind of man I would be if I did indeed not have Regulus in my life. I would not have two children whom I am infinitely proud of. I would not have the right to stand among men and truly hold my head proudly. There would not be anything worth being proud of about my life. Without such a strong and positive center in my life, I could have been so many other things.

Which brings me to the present point, the reason for the nonsensical prattling behind my back. As I have stated it has been exactly two months, seven days, eleven hours and six minutes since Regulus died.

It is a cold and clinical fact. The end of my husband’s life cannot truly be summed up in such a simple way. To explain it properly, one should think of it in the sense of a long candle burning steadily with a strong flame. When Regulus’s wax ran out, his life did go with it. Wizards, who live long enough, will all die in this manor.

Of course this will bring up the inevitable questions. Why did he die so young? The unfortunate truth of the matter would be that Regulus Black, as full of life as he was, was never quite well. He was quick to illness at times and was wont to not taking proper care for his own wellbeing. He had the rather rare condition, in wizards, of anemia. It was something that was forever causing him trouble.

The doctors all insist that it had nothing to do with his anemia, but I know better. I always knew Regulus better. He simply used too much of his life up enjoying every moment. He would push himself to the limit and then look at me with his beautiful deep blue eyes, as I would see another sliver of wax vanish from his candle. I did not think of it at the time in this manor, but when the time came I realized what all of those terrible moments had inevitably done to him.

The other question that has sent everyone into utter terrified twitters has been, why in the world am I not dead with him? I’ll answer that rather simply. Regulus told me not to die.

I stayed by Regulus’s side for every last moment. Even when he would see his brother and his brother-in-law, I was there. I would not leave his side. He did not want me to leave his side. No one expected us to leave one another’s side. I held him enough for perhaps two lifetimes, but I cannot honestly say that there is a limit to how much I have needed his physical and mental presence in my life.

We lay together in our bed silent, as most of the words had left us in our quiet moments together. He turned his beautiful face to me like the upturn of a flower, but perhaps more like the sun being released from a cloud. I remember every single thing about the look he gave me at that moment. It was so simple, but so deep and complex at the same time. His hair still framed his face in a dark curtain that only showed a faint trace of grey. There were faint lines around his eyes that he often complained of at the top of his voice and at great length. I told him they were beautiful and for some reason he never did away with them. The lines were the only real indication of his age, as he looked almost preserved and frozen at the beauty that he’d held in his late twenties.

“You can’t die, Sev,” he said in a soft voice, breaking the silence of over an hour.

“What do you mean?” I asked confused. It had always been understood that when Regulus died, I would die as well. I could not bear to feel the death of Regulus. I could not bear to be parted with him in this way.

“I mean you cannot die,” Regulus repeated softly. He placed a hand over my chest. “There’s still too much life in you. There’s…there’s something that you must do…”

I did not understand what he was trying to say. I almost protested and quite angrily that he could not decide these things for me. He placed a finger over my lips gently, and I had the vague flash of what could have been nothing more than a dream. Somehow Regulus knew…something. I could not begin to explain it more than that.

Regulus looked up at me almost sadly. “Can you wait for me, Sev?” he’d asked just as softly.

“I will do anything if it means that I will one day have you in my arms again,” I promised him.

Our matched feelings swelled violently between us as we tried to comfort one another in a rush. I knew it would never be simple or easy, but I would do whatever was demanded of me, though I still do not know what it is. It comforts me enough to know that Regulus is waiting for me. He loves me now and he will love me when we are reunited in the end.

A very strange weight has been lifted from me now that I no longer feel Regulus’s presence inside of me. I float through the days feeling strangely like a ghost that is only held here by the gravity of the planet keeping my feet touching the ground. I am merely bidding my time for now. The boys need not fear that I will suddenly decide I cannot go on. I know I must and I will. If only they would truly listen to my explanations.

I suppose I have never been able to express emotions to them as well as Regulus has. I try to draw on his strength to make our children understand. I can find him then, sometimes imprinted in my mind are scraps of memories that are completely and solely Regulus’s. This has only proven to disturb them more. I have resigned myself to their never truly understanding. The only thing I regret now is not being able to truly make them understand. It will be my only regret when I finally die.

mynameissirius @ 2005-09-22T11:17:00

2005-09-22T15:40:21Z

Title: Hallelujah
Rating: PG
Pairing: SB/RL
Notes: This was intended to be a longer fic, and it's just unfortunate that I lack the motivation to finish things...;_; This part was actually only intended to be part one of a two part prologue. So...yeah... maybe I'll work on it again some day...

Copyrights of HP and all associated material belong to JK Rowling. The lyrics used are from the song “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen.

I’ve heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do you?

The hospital was full of chaos. People rushed about, stretchers came and went, beds emptied and were filled. Doctors called to nurses. Nurses called to doctors. Loved ones simply cried. This was a time of life and death, where some people were saved and some could not. This is where the strongest soldiers of the war fought. Somewhere someone cried out that it was over. The dark had fallen, but still these soldiers trudged forward.

“We need a transfusion!”

“Somebody clean this mess up!”

“I’m so sorry.”

“We’ve got her stable.”

“I need that potion immediately!”

The room fell into a seemingly unending blur as a young man was ushered in and settled down onto a bed. Blood oozed from a wound on his forehead. There were no other visible signs of him being injured and from the force of his words it became even more apparent that he should not have been there. He sat there angrily trying to push the nurses by his side away.

“We have to clean that dear,” said one of the nurses.

“”I told you I’m fine! There are too many people that actually need your bloody help! I’m going to live, but they might not!” he screamed at them.

The nurses finally stepped back, looking horribly embarrassed by what he’d been implying. The second nurse sputtered and moved forward to try once again.

“We’re just doing what we were told to do. You’re a very important young man. It wouldn’t do for you to have to wait,” she told him as she dabbed a cloth on the cut on his forehead.

“Why does everyone keep saying that? If I’m so bloody important then you can just as well ignore those orders in favor of mine. I want you to help all of these other people immediately. And if anyone tells you otherwise then direct them to me and I will deal with them personally,” the young man insisted.

The two nurses looked at one another briefly before nodding to him. They were relieved and immediately turned to continue to assist where they were truly needed.

“That young Harry Potter truly is a noble young man,” the first nurse commented with a proud smile.

It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Harry watched the injured be wheeled in and out of the room. He couldn’t remember ever seeing so many people as injured as he saw that day. He had finally done what he’d been destined to do, but there had been so much more then that. Harry killed Voldermort, a horribly painful memory that he was more then ready to forget, but it had been the Order and the ministry’s Aurors that had set out to capture every last Death Eater. They would not go down easy and some chose death over prison. Even more had decided to kill as many as they could before being taken down themselves.

The devastation was painfully obvious just by looking at even one of the men or women in the emergency room. Harry tried not to look at many of them. He knew them, called some of them friend. He felt a horrible pang of guilt. He couldn’t help but wonder that if only he had done something sooner. Would he have been able to stop all of this before it could have happened? A very small part of him was just glad that there were none of his close circle of friends there in the room hanging between life and death.

“Get that bed cleared immediately!”

“Does anyone know how long he was there before they found him?”

“They say he successfully took her down.”

Harry’s eyes grew wide with fear as he saw who was pulled in on the stretcher. Under the horrible color of blood he recognized the grey-flecked brown hair. He was on his feet immediately rushing to stand by the bed they draped him across.

“Lupin!”

Tears pricked at his eyes as one of the nurses ushered him out of the way. She patted his shoulder comfortingly.

“Who…who did he kill?”

“Bellatrix Lestrange.”

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

The frenzy of people around him danced on the edge of his consciousness. Everything had started to go fuzzy around him and he couldn’t find the desire to stop it. He was very tired, he’d been very tired for so long.

“I can’t stop the bleeding!”

A part of him felt viciously content. He had gone to face her down. He knew he couldn’t avenge all of their deaths, but he could easily avenge one of them himself. He’d hunted for her for weeks on end, always losing her at the last possible moment.

Finally he cornered Bellatrix after she’d discovered Voldermort’s demise. She had been wailing over the body of her dead husband. A dead Auror was only a few feet away. Even though he’d stepped up behind her silently, she knew he’d been there.

“I knew you of all people would come for me. You were always so sickeningly in love with that bastard cousin of mine,” Bellatrix sneered, turning to face him slowly.

Lupin didn’t speak, waiting to see if she would make the first move. She stood up, holding her head in that usual arrogant way. The same way that Sirius always had. The only difference was that she sneered at him in disgust. Sirius always grinned as if the whole world was some big joke to him.

“It’s almost a shame that you were too stupid to join us. You would have made a much better Death Eater then that coward Pettigrew,” she spat as she pulled her wand to the ready. “Almost.”

She was fast, but so was he. He was ready for her first attack and her second. He couldn’t find an opening to retaliate and was forced to remain on the defensive. She backed him into a corner with a vicious grin.

“You were…always good…at this in school,” Lupin bit out softly in between blocks. “But not as good as me.”

Lupin knew the only way to finally get in the shot he wanted was to stop blocking. Bellatrix hadn’t anticipated that he would rather take a shot himself to get one in on her. His attack hit her directly in the chest and she fell over completely still. He had killed her and he had wanted that at any cost.

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

“We need a transfusion!”

“Someone get some more bandages.”

“Lupin! Professor wake up!”

“Please be quiet! We’re doing all that we can for him.”

Of course there would be someone who would cry for him. None of those still living held sway over him as those he called family once had. He did regret not taking the chance to say proper goodbyes however. He knew that his mission was most likely suicidal, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell them that.

Remus had made certain of a few things before he finally left. The few possessions that he owned were designated to the right people. Harry would receive much of it. He was his last link to James, Lily, and even Sirius now. Harry deserved much more then just a few musty old tombs, but it was all that he had left to give. He deserved to be able to have that one thing that was completely robbed from him. If Remus could have done it, he would have given Harry his parents.

James and Lily had both been wonderful parents. When Harry was born it was if they’d been granted their greatest wish. He was born from the love of two exceptional people. It was their love, wisdom and strength that made Harry the young man he was that day.

The love of danger came from James. He was practical despite his strange ideas of fun. James was full of emotion and put that into everything he touched. His loyalty was unquestionable and was always stepping in front of wands for his friends and loved ones.
From the moment that he had laid eyes on Lily Evans he had been completely devoted to her. It was almost overnight it seemed that everything changed. His goals had changed from just tormenting Snape and the rest of the Slytherins to impress Lily with his charm and wit as he tormented Snape and the other Slytherins. He had never had the best logic on a lot of things, but he was definitely in love with Lily.

Lily had truly deserved that sort of love and devotion. Not only was she the most intelligent witch Remus had ever met, but she was also a wonderful friend. Lily had been one of the few people that had known about Remus’s condition. She had never judged him and was always willing to do nearly anything for him. She had been one of his closest friends long before she gave in to James’s cat calling.

It had hurt him so much to know that they had died.

She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

“We’re losing him!”

“Not if I can help it.”

Sirius had the same kind of confidence. He walked around with an arrogance all his own. From the moment that Remus had met him, Sirius was so certain that he could control the world if he simply put his mind to it. It had been one of the things that made him so attractive.

It would be impossible for Remus to pinpoint an exact moment that he had consciously acknowledged his feelings for Sirius. One minute it had just been there like it had always been there. Sirius had seen through him and just grinned like he’d been expecting it all along.

The change from friend to something more had been natural and something he had needed desperately at the time. Remus’s parents had been part of the Order in its earliest state and were killed while trying to protect several half blood families. He was completely alone after that, except for Sirius, James and Lily. If it hadn’t been for them, he probably would have lost it completely. Sirius took care of him throughout it all, offering his love to heal the pain in Remus’s heart.

Once they’d graduated they had gotten a place together. It had been as natural for them as it had been for James and Lily. It was not much better then a shack, but it was away from people so Remus could have the privacy he’d need once a month. Despite its horrible shape it had been theirs.

Sirius paid for it with the small fund he’d been given by his then dead uncle. After that they’d barely had enough money to survive. They both worked odd job when they could between Auror training and working with the Order. Their time together was so valuable because there was so little of it when they were both awake.

Loving Sirius was the first thing to ever fill him to overflowing. For Remus it was as if he’d found his greatest purpose in life. Every minute of everyday was filled with light and Remus was drunk on Sirius’s undying affection. Sirius went out of his way for Remus in every way he could possibly imagine.

In school they’d started by spending as much time together as they could. Secret smiles and fumbled touches lead to passionate kisses and animalistic thrusts. Sirius simply dripped sensuality and Remus wanted nothing more from life then Sirius touching him, kissing, sucking, biting, or whatever other form of blissful torture he could contrive.

If only life had ever been so simple. Those twelve years would have been full of joy and not sorrow. James and Lily would never have died. Harry would have lived a life without the bitter taste of being unwanted. Remus’s life would have been perfectly happy, even though he was a werewolf.

Even after Sirius had returned to his life, Remus found himself living off of Sirius’s presence. He was drunk on his love more now then he had ever been. Remus needed to heal those twelve long years in his heart and wanted to restore Sirius back to the glory of the man he had once been.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

For a brief moment Remus had seen him. When Sirius had raced to Harry’s aid he stood tall and impossibly strong. His eyes lost every trace of desperate madness that they had held since he had left Azkaban. He was so impossibly handsome it stole his breath away. Sirius had taken advantage of that pause to finally leave. Somehow it made his death just a little easier, to see him die the way he had always wanted to.

As Remus had stood watching Sirius fall back, memories arose against his will. They were memories of a Sirius much too young to be so full of dark thoughts, in a time when they all should have been so very simple and happy.

Sirius had asked him once what he thought it would be like to die. He’d been feeling somewhat morose that evening. It was back in their fourth year at Hogwarts before he’d managed to finally escape his parents for good. He couldn’t remember what Sirius had said, but he remembered exactly what he had told him.

“Its probably peaceful, like living and breathing joy and contentment. It’ll be beautiful, so beautiful it takes away all of your breath,” he had said with a small smile.

Sirius had shaken his head. “What makes you think it’s happy? Do you really think you’ll go to heaven?”

“You didn’t ask me that,” Remus replied softly. “I just know that wherever I end up, you guys will all be with me. That’s all that matters.”

Those words seemed so far away at that moment, but not. A part of him was surprised that even after all those years, he remembered that moment so clearly. He could see Sirius, so young but handsome and dark. He carried on like most angsting teenagers, with the black cloud over his head on occasion.

Maybe there’s a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you

The sounds of the hospital faded away, dripping into a soundless black. He felt as if he was falling into something warm and soft like a giant featherbed that he continued to sink into. It was a rather pleasant sensation as his body slowly lost contact with all the pain he had been in.

Sinking turning into landing and he started to take in a whole new set of smells and sounds. He was lying out on grass. The smell was strong and clean. He could feel the blades of grass pricking into his back and arms. His mind was fuzzy with the new sensations. He lay there drifting peacefully for a long moment, feeling more inclined to rest then ask questions.

Bit by bit he found himself more aware of his surroundings. Somewhere in the distance was a faint birdcall. A light breeze stroked his cheek gently. His eyes fluttered opened, staring up at the clear blue sky. A few puffs of white clouds dotted the sky for decoration. It was perfect.

Remus sat up slowly, looking about him. He was lying in a grassy field. Off in the distance in all directions were patches of tress and more grass. There was only more and more green against a crystal clear blue sky wherever he looked. The sounds of the birds seemed to vanish as he’d stirred. He pulled himself to his feet unsure what was going on and what he could do next.

Remus…

He turned around looking to see who was there. Someone had said his name, but there wasn’t a soul anywhere near him. He started walking in the direction that he had heard the voice come from. Was he imagining it? A heavy weight came down on his heart. No matter where he went would he always be alone?

Twelve years of sadness bore down on him. Twelve year of nonsense that couldn’t be erased by kisses and confessions of love alone. Doubts had consumed his mind and his life had become void of purpose. There had been no one but them and now there never would be anyone ever again.

And it’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Remus…

It was that voice again. Remus spun around again. “Who’s there? Where am I?” he called out. “Please answer me!”

Again there wasn’t a soul to be seen. He took a few tentative steps towards the trees again. He could feel a sudden push form in him, as if he knew that something was waiting for him there. His steps quickened just slightly and he reached out to the tree that was suddenly at arms length. It was then that he finally saw her.

The strange woman had her back to him. Her long hair fell down below her knees, covering a long dress the color of a shiny, rainbow hued pearl. She turned to him slowly and he stared in awe at the face that was neither young nor old. It seemed to shift as if it had no definite features, something familiar and unrecognizable all in one. Her hair had a similar feature to it. It was neither blonde nor brown, it was in fact constantly shifting, changing as if with the beat of his heart.

Welcome home my child…

It was that voice again, but this time he was certain it had come from her. He did not see her lips move, but it seemed to flow from his heart and to his mind. He took a small tentative step towards her with uncertainty.

Do not be afraid, she told him gently. There should be no more tears in your heart. You are free now. I have brought you home. You will never need to fear being alone.

Amber lights widen with surprise. Of course he’d been afraid. He was always afraid of being alone. Why would it be different here? He was far away from everyone that had ever loved him. She seemed so sure that he would be free now. He found himself believing her even though his thoughts were fixed on his doubts.

The woman stared at him with a smile. It was warm and comforting. She held out a hand to Remus, asking him to go to her without saying a word. He did so, taking her hand as he drew close. Her hand was soft and as they touched a shiver ran through his form. Somehow his clothing had changed. He was wearing newer robes that weren’t patched or torn in any way. A slight shake of his head told him that his hair was longer, specifically at a length it hadn’t been for over 17 years. There were scars missing on his hands, and a few other places that he could see. It was as if he’d been sent back, transformed into what he had been all those years before the whole world collapsed under him.

He looked up at the strange woman with amazement. She just gave him another warm, but somewhat secretive smile and motioned for him to follow her. She was heading for a clump of willow trees. Someone was waiting there, like a big black shadow. It wasn’t facing them so it was hard to discern who it could be, though he did know it was a person.

As suddenly as he appeared, the woman left him and he was alone with just the trees, and this new person to keep him company. He kept moving forward not sure what was going to happen next.

“I shouldn’t be surprised that these trees would be here. You loved them when we were still in school. They were beautiful just like this too,” the stranger said.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

He sucked in a breath. It wasn’t a stranger, he knew the voice, and slowly started to recognize the robes. “You…” he started to gasp out, but the words were stuck in his suddenly tight throat.

The figure turned to him slowly, long black hair falling around a pale, but happy face. He wore a long black trench, hands deep in the front pockets. The coat had been a gift, and he wore it whenever he could, said it went with everything he owned.

“Like the trench? I got it from someone special. He said it suited me and my dark clouds,” he said with a warm smile.

Remus inched towards him. He had said that. He told him that when he got the coat for him for Christmas their seventh year. Sirius had so much to be dark about with the trouble he’d had with his family only a year before, and he’d just wanted to make him smile more.

“Sirius, you’re really here? You’re not just some dream?” Remus asked as tears formed in his eyes. He felt the weight of every moment without him fall on his shoulders. He felt himself fall to his knees. He had wanted to die from all of the pain, and that pain was fresh once again in his mind. Everything was too unreal, too perfect.

He started to sob, it was all too much for him to take so soon. Sirius was kneeling by him in an instant, arms around him tightly. Tears spilled onto the beloved trench, though neither said anything against it. Long fingers ran through his light grey tinged hair, stroking and soothing.

“Oh my Remus who takes all the world onto his shoulders.” The words came out in light breaths just by his ear. “Its all right. I’m here now. I’m here and nothing will ever cause you pain while I’m here with you. I’m not going to leave your side any time soon either.”

He reached out grabbing onto the trench into tightly clenched fists. He couldn’t stop his tears or sobs, they fell out of him in a rush and they were taking all of that weight with them. He gratefully took in the scent that was so perfect and completely Sirius. He was warm, and he had been so cold for so long. Everything was so perfect.

This really was heaven.

Even after he’d finally stopped crying, Sirius just held him. He was as pleased with things as it seemed he was. Though they weren’t exactly in a comfortable position, and Sirius was going to have to move soon before he ended up stiff and uncomfortable for a week. Well probably not, but there was still a lot left to this day.

“Remus, Remus I have something else to show you. Do you think you can stand for a little bit more happiness for a while?” Sirius asked with a light chuckle. “They won’t stand for being left out of the greetings.”

Remus lifted his head looking up at Sirius curiously. “They?” he asked, not quite following Sirius.

“Yeah, you know, you’re other friends,” a new voice intoned.

“Really now Remus, it can’t possibly have been that long that you’ve forgotten us.”

He was up in an instant and turned to see the last two people that had made his life truly worth living. James and Lily stood, hand in hand, looking much like they had when they’d left Hogwarts, and still looking so madly in love. “There is no way that I would ever forget either of you,” Remus said fondly.

They both joined them and Lily grabbed him for a tight and loving hug. James put a hand on his shoulder, and smiled his infamous grin. Sirius just came up from behind and grabbed them all for a giant bear hug, as he’d been apt to do at emotional times such as this.

Remus winced slightly as he was crushed to his other friends. “Sirius you’re going to break one of my ribs,” he yelped out. “Oh cut it out!”

Sirius let go of them all and laughed. Laughed honest and true in a way that Remus thought he’d never hear again. Lily and James joined him and he couldn’t stop the smile from breaking out on his face. He felt like he was stepping back in time. Back far enough that everything dark and horrible couldn’t touch them.

“Welcome home, Remus,” Lily said to him. “We’ve missed you.”

mynameissirius @ 2005-02-10T10:40:00

2005-02-10T15:56:59Z

Title: "I'm sorry..."
Rating: G
Pairing: SB/RL
Notes: This was intended to be a longer fic, but as I have no idea whatsoever where it was going, I have no intention of actually completing it. It is obviously completely AU as it would seem I'm more fond of writing these days. Please excuse any minor tense problems as I'm more then certain there's a bunch. I didn't bother to have someone beta this.

"Sirius Black!"

What a way to start a story. I'm being lectured again. There is of course only one person that is allowed to do any sort of lecturing and that would happen to be one Remus J. Lupin. He's rushing into the room now with that scary look on his face that says that I've been foolish again.

"How many times do I have to tell you to keep that bloody broom of yours locked away? Do you realize that Harry 'found' your precious bloody broom and managed to break his arm...AGAIN!" Remus roars at me.

I try to look apologetic. It's really the only thing that I can do in these circumstances. He and I both know that I did that on purpose. It's not as if a broken bone is something that can't be fixed easily. We're both highly skilled wizards with plenty of first aid experience under our belts. Remus has always been of the opinion that it doesn't mean that we should let him get himself into trouble anyway. I just think he should be allowed to have fun every once and a while.

"No don't bother apologizing. You're bloody pathetic. You're not even listening to me right now! You'll only leave the broom out for him to play with later. Why do I even bother with you? You're an insufferable bloody bastard and I'm sick of it!"

Uh oh. Well this just made the start to my story that much more interesting now doesn't it? Remus turns to storm out of the room and I rush up to chase after him, grabbing for his arm desperately.

"Now don't go on like that. Honestly we just have a difference of opinion on the whole idea. James has never said anything about it before so there's no reason to have a row over it."

"Of course James hasn't said anything. Lily can't get him to lock up his broom either. THe both of you encourage him to get himself hurt!"

"No we don't. He wants to fly. You telling him no isn't going to stop him from wanting to fly.

"If you're so bloody interested in him flying why don't you actually teach him yourself? Why do you keep letting him get himself hurt?"

Admittedly I have no good excuse for that. I leave the broom out and about because Remus has never liked the idea of me letting Harry fly it. He never said I couldn't teach him, but he never really made it seem like that was what he'd rather I do.

"Oh did it just occur to you that perhaps it would be a good idea for you to teach him to fly? You really are a complete idiot!"

"Now see here. What's the point of name-calling? You never seemed to want me to even show him how to fly properly."

"I'd much rather you be there with him when he goes about on that broom then you staying in here waiting to patch him up later!"

"Well then I'll be certain to do that in the future."

"That doesn't fix things right now! You're still an idiot."

I frown at Remus, crossing my arms in annoyance. "Then what the bloody hell should I do about it?"

Remus gives me another angry look and walks away. "When you figure that out, I'll be in my office."

So now I'm alone in my living room wondering what in the world I can do to fix things. What exactly do you do when you've angered your loved one? I really don't know what Remus wants me to do. It's not like I can go back in time to stop Harry from flying. It's almost impossible to get a Time Turner.

"Sirius?"

Ah yes, the object of our discussion. I turn to see my godson staring at me in the doorway, his right arm in a sling. I'm sure Remus forced him to wear it despite the fact that he easily healed the broken bone. Just another way to make me feel guilty. I just know it.

"Uh...Sirius? I think this is the part where you apologize to Remus."

I blinked at him in surprise. For a long moment I just stare at him dumbfounded, until what he said finally sinks in. Now I know I'm a complete ass. That was probably the most obvious thing in the whole world. Harry is just shaking his head at me. Why do I feel like I'm being mocked by a seven year old?

mynameissirius @ 2004-10-12T12:25:00

2004-10-12T19:25:46Z

Written for the lupin100 weekly challenge.

Rating: G
Challenge: #12: Dark Creatures Decree Number Twenty-Eight: Werewolves are forbidden to marry, procreate, or engage in indecent acts. What happens?
Pairing: SB/RL
Word Count: 166 ( Oh well... )
Notes: Of course Remus was going to do what the Ministry told him to do. He's the good boy after all.

“It was bad enough that you can’t get a job because you have to carry around that stupid paper that says you’re a werewolf. They almost forced you to live in a werewolf…’camp’ because they swore no werewolf could make sure they didn’t attack anyone else. Now you’re going to tell me that you’re moving out of our house because our love is considered…indecent!”

Remus flinched under the stern look he was receiving from Sirius. “I have to…”

Sirius took hold of Remus’s wrist to stop him from going anywhere. “You are not leaving this house. Let them try and stop me. I’ll fight off every last Auror. I’ll send away every last dementor they can try to send. There is nothing in this world that is going to ruin everything that we have! I will not lose the most important person in my life because some people are too scared of their own bloody shadows to look at you and see who you really are!”

Trying something a bit different...

2004-10-05T15:57:08Z

Written for the sirius_100 Drunken Conversations Challenge.

Rating: G
Challenge: #9 - Drunken Conversations
Word Count: 138
Notes: I have this serious incapability of enjoying 100 word restraints. I also thought hey I haven't tried writing it this way...so I tried something different.

Now honestly I usually don’t end up passed out drunk. I’ve managed to discover that the best way to keep ones head while consuming nothing but fire whiskey for several hours is to concentrate on something inane. My favorite choice would happen to be the color of Remus’s hair. It’s not exactly brown, but its not blond or red or anyone one solid color. That’s what’s so fascinating about it. Every last strand holds a different shade of brown, red, and blond. There are a few that even hold a tinge of gray, but I think he’d rather pretend that they’re an ashen blond.

I’ve also learned that it never works, as I end up face first in said hair and then shoved to the floor by Remus as he declares that I’ve gotten too close for comfort.

mynameissirius @ 2004-10-05T11:40:00

2004-10-05T15:41:29Z

Rating: G
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Word Count: 150 ( I can never manage to stop at 100 >< )
Challenge: First Kiss
Note: I love it when he's smart enough to turn things around to the way he wants it...

Remus stood straighter when Sirius had turned away. “You heard me. You can’t do it,” he said making sure to add that small trace of arrogance, the kind that could easily stab someone’s pride.

“What do you mean I can’t do it?” Sirius said spinning around with a glare. “There is nothing I cannot do.”

Remus smirked. “Then why in the world would you be running away from the opportunity to prove that,” he asked, raising a brow. “Hmm?”

Sirius stalked over to him and grabbed him by the face, pressing his lips to Remus’s own in a forceful kiss. Remus nearly melted under the strain of his anger. So this was what it felt like to be kissed so thoroughly that your mind just completely stopped working. He supposed then that it had been a very good idea on his part to wait for Sirius to be his first.

mynameissirius @ 2004-10-05T11:37:00

2004-10-05T15:39:29Z

Challenge: Fairy Tales
Written in response to the lupin100 Fairy Tales Challenge.

Rating: G...or is it?
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Author Notes: It's just random silliness really!

“I am most certainly not wearing THAT!”
“Oh come on Remus, don’t be such a poor sport. It’s only for a little while.”
“No I absolutely refuse.”
“Not even for little ol’ me?”
“Not for the ultimate cure to every disease known to man.”
“You’d look cute.”
“I am not going to go about looking cute!”
“Who said you had to go out and show this off to anyone else?”
”Well what else would I do wearing that?”
Grin.
“Oh…”
“I promise it won’t stay on for very long.”
“I suppose I could stand to look like Little Red Riding Hood for a little while…”

mynameissirius @ 2004-10-05T11:33:00

2004-10-05T15:36:57Z

In response to the sirius_100 Obsessions and Confessions Challenge.

Rating: G
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Challenge: Obsessions and Confessions
Word Count: 163 ( got a little writing happy there )
Note: This idea is spawned from the nonsense that I've begun writing as a pill against the end of OotP. Basic idea is that our four favorite mauraders-era characters are reincarnated to find one another and live the happy life they've always wanted. This should cover the obsessions end of the bargin.

Silver eyes were locked onto the thin and lanky form as it waltzed its way out of the great hall, holding hands with his sister. She laughed at something he said and the small smile that formed on the boy’s lips was enough to send shivers up and down his spine. His emotions swirled painfully inside of him and he couldn’t stop them, even if he had wanted to.

Sirius had to admit to himself, if not to another soul, that he had become obsessed and completely enamored with his sister’s boyfriend. He didn’t know what to do about it. He couldn’t just jump in and break the two of them apart with declarations of his sudden and undying affection. What if the two of them were honestly happily in love? He couldn’t bare to see either of them hurt. It didn’t matter that he felt as if a small piece of himself was dying inside to see them together as they were.

Rating: G
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Challenge: Obsessions and Confessions
Word Count: 156
Note: Time to take things from a new perspective.

“I’m in love with Sirius Black.”

Sirius stumbled backwards onto the stairs. What was that all about? He tried to listen closer, desperate to hear what Remus was saying about him. Lily had forced the answer from him and now Sirius needed to know what was coming next.

“Sirius Black? What in the world would make you feel that?”

“He is an intolerable git of a boy that’s so full of himself it’s a wonder that he can make it through a door,” Remus admitted. “But he has a powerful attraction that no one can really escape. His eyes are full of hundreds of emotions, as if he doesn’t even bother with hiding anything about himself. Every time I’m near him I feel as if I can feed off of his energy and emotion. Its like a drug that you know will only hurt you but you can’t help by desire with all of your being.”